A key skill of conversational mastery is
being able to tell a story in such a
way that you engage the imagination of the listener. Some folks are
just so-so at telling stories; others are just plain lousy at it. A main
reason for this is that the stories they tell lack structure and
perhaps ramble along so that listeners have difficulty following
the story-line and may miss the conclusion - if there is one.
I am grateful that I learned how to tell a
story at my father's knee. He was a
talented raconteur who used colorful descriptions and emphasis in his
stories, sometimes adding dialects to spice them up. Where my father
learned this craft I don't know (his own father had died when he
was three.) He had natural gifts such as
a good ear for nuances of
language, and he was a good observer of people. As a student of storytelling,
he mainly underwent an "apprenticeship of observation."
A well-crafted story has a spine, a kind
of template into which the details
fit. First, a skeleton, then sufficient
flesh added to complete the
body. An incomplete story is like a
piece of music with a chord unresolved
so that listeners are left unsatisfied.
We all know that a story should have a
beginning, a middle, and end. A more detailed structure is necessary,
however, one that the members
of StoryNet christened "the spine of the story." See www.storynet.org.) I include here the spine as described by Kat Koppett
in her excellent book, "Training to Imagine."
Once upon
a time . . .
Every day
. . .
But one
day . . .
Because
of that . . .
Because
of that . . . (Repeat as needed)
Until
finally . . .
Ever
since then . . .
(And the
moral of the story is . . . optional)
That's it.
A template that contains, as she says, "A platform, a change and
consequences, and a resolution."
Not only speakers and preachers and
trainers can benefit from using
such a story spine, but so also can conversationalists. When you listen to
the best storytellers, you'll be able to sense the structure, probably
a adaptation of the spine above, as they tell each story. The
content of stories will vary, but there will always be a need for a
predictable structure. Humans since time
began have been storytellers,
and by now a need for story structure is probably hard-wired
into our evolved brains.
Because the use of stories has become so
important in the worlds of
business and public speaking, many people feel a need to
improve their skills. To improve you'll
need:
--
good
storytellers to observe
--
a
clear story spine for structure
--
colorful
details (flesh)
--
plenty
of practice, with feedback
--
perhaps
even a professional coach
Women
especially may need some extra attention to their storytelling
skills because, until recent decades, they've been denied the
opportunity to be the center of attention that storytelling
practice requires.
My son Aaron, now 30, often used to ask me
when he was
small, "Dad, please tell me another story about when you
were a little kid." And so I would,
describing a time
when my dad took me fishing, or when I fell off the building
and broke my collar bone, or when I sold firecrackers
to students at my school and they lighted and
tossed them out of the classroom windows.
Aaron has long
ago forgotten many of my abstract ramblings, but he
still remembers many of these personal stories 25 years
later.
For mastery, practice sketching out your
stories in advance, then edit
the details. Eventually you will find
that the spine in your
stories becomes a framework that you sense intuitively. The
framework will free you to improvise the details in the moment.