During
economic times such as these, when so many people are struggling
and fearful, you can provide some uplifting acts that can buoy
them up. You can use your "soft skills,"
sometimes known as "emotional
intelligence." No cost is involved, only mindfulness.
During your
interactions with others, you can offer "mindful acts of kindness." You can
plan them in advance, so there is nothing random about them.
Examples of Soft Skills You Can
Use:
1. You can pay someone a genuine compliment. One of my favorites
is to say to a store employee who leads me to the right aisle to find a
product, "You're doing a really good job.
Thank you." Almost invariably,
that person lights up with pride.
You can
also compliment co-workers, friends, children, health professionals, and countless
others. However, your compliment should
be genuine and not "automatic." Mindfulness during the act is important.
2. You can ask a personal question about a person or their
family.
Examples: "Is your mom feeling better these days?" and "How
is your son enjoying his
studies at the university?" You can also
share observations such as "I
noticed in the paper that your daughter was the high scorer on her team."
3. You
can give the gift of listening
without judging or competing. Everyone has their
story to tell, and few feel listened to.
When you allow another person to
share their experience by supporting them with deep listening, that person
will feel validated. Don't give chin-up advice, and don't compete for your
turn. Simply listen up and don't
interrupt.
In our
distracted, multi-tasking society, focused, empathic listening is in short supply,
and almost everyone is starving for it.
You can help.
4. Phone someone who helped you and thank them.
You'll both feel better for
it. Who could you phone? The coach that gave you a second chance? The boss who recommended you for a
promotion? The teacher whose
letter of recommendation got you into a special course?
The friend who stood
by you during tough times? Your mother
or father that you resented
for saying no to something harmful you wanted to do as a teen and for
which you have become grateful (but have never told them.)
In my
years of counseling practice, I heard many regrets from adults that they
had never thanked various persons, or at least not sufficiently. I could
think of my own unexpressed gratitude to teachers, uncles, parents of
school friends, and dozens of others.
How about
you?
5. Tell an acquaintance an uplifting story. As you know, the success of the "Chicken
Soup for the Soul" books is due to their stories of hope. As you
pay attention, you'll notice such stories yourself. Some are in the news
media, like that of Susan Boyle, the plain Jane Scottish woman who
inspired millions with her singing on "Britain's Got Talent. But others are
closer by, less famous, even in your neighborhoods.
During
the July 2009 National Speakers Association convention I heard Nando
Parrado share his own story about surviving a near-fatal plane crash in
the Andes.
Although he is not a gifted or polished speaker, he
touched all of us deeply with his authentic story of overcoming.
At the
end, there were very few dry eyes among the 1,500 in the audience. And we were uplifted. (Nando's book on this ordeal is titled Miracle in the Andes:
72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home.)
The story
doesn't have to be your own personal story.
It can be about a friend or relative,
or a co-worker, or even about someone you haven't met. It can be a reminder
that if a woman like J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books,
could
overcome her situation as an impoverished and almost homeless single mother, maybe
we, too, can overcome our obstacles.
6. Lighten
up and add some levity to the conversation.
Although many folks
these days are singing "Ain't it awful" songs and commiserating with others,
you don't have to join them. Instead,
you can stir some gentle humor into the mix.
Humor builds courage, and laughter heals.
As Mark Twain
wrote, "Humor is the
good natured side of a truth." It is often the
person with a good sense of humor that mends a situation by getting people
unstuck and open to new possibilities.
To be
humorous, you don't have to tell jokes.
In fact, it's usually best to avoid
joke-telling. Instead, try some
word-play, something like what I
recently heard about the Italian guy who invented imitation spaghetti calls it "impasta."
My colleague
John Kinde is a master of "situational humor" -- finding funny oddities
in what's going on around us. Although
of notoriously serious
Norwegian stock from North Dakota,
John has honed his sense of low-keyed
and wry humor. He is regularly called
upon to end meetings with his
observations so that we all depart with high, light-hearted feelings.
(If you
want to increase your own sense of humor and abilities to be funny,
subscribe to John's excellent "Humor Power Tips" newsletter. It's free
and it's great. Register at www.humorpower.com.)
Now, using
any of the suggestions above, go out and light up someone's life!
