"We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same." -
Anne Frank
The pursuit of happiness is everyone's birthright, yet if
you look around, it seems that far too few people ever
seem to achieve it.
Most of us accept that it's not about money, though
money does help to buy a lot of enjoyable things and
experiences. Surprisingly, as a lot of people discover,
it doesn't have much to do with achieving "success"
either.
There are many women who have all the outward
appearances of success: financial security, a stable
relationship, a nice home, active social circle, etc., and
still feel profoundly unhappy.
Perhaps you've heard the expression that "happiness
is an inside job". I believe this to be absolutely true.
There is no one and no thing that can make you happy
if you are not happy with yourself.
My experience in working with the women who come
to my retreats, no matter how different their life
circumstances may be, is that there is a common
denominator. They share a feeling of somehow not
being good enough and being at the mercy of a harsh
inner critic that endeavors to continuously remind
them why they don't deserve what they want.
If you are a woman who struggles with harsh self-
criticism, I invite you to view yourself through a different
mirror. Take a moment to step back and take a good
long look at yourself and inventory all the qualities that
define who you are.
When I suggest that you take that look at yourself, is
your first instinct to list all your deficits? If so, you are in
the company of a very large sorority of women. But
that's not what I'm asking you to look at. We all know
too well what our shortcomings are.
It's a little more challenging to look in the mirror and
see the beauty in your being. What are the traits you
possess that please you? What do you love about
your personality? What are your strengths? What are
your talents? What makes you unique and special?
Spend some time and make a list of all that is good
and wonderful about you.
Then listen to the chatter that erupts in your head
when you dare to acknowledge yourself in this way. If
you are not in the habit of expressing self-
appreciation, I imagine you will be facing a battle
royale! The battle is between the voice of your well-
entrenched inner critic and the voice of a softer,
gentler inner coach. Sadly, too often the inner critic
wins out, because it's stronger, more familiar and
more adept at manipulating and controlling your inner
thoughts.
An important stepping-stone on the road to happiness
is making a decision to challenge your inner critic. As
long as what the critic says stands without question,
we condemn ourselves to an unhappy experience of
life dominated by self-neglect, self-flagellation and
even self-contempt.
When we allow our life choices to be dictated by the
judgments of our inner critic, the result is a beat down,
unhappy woman. A woman who feels lost and longs
to find that "something" that is missing - a sense of
inner peace. The process that unfolds when a
woman takes time out to find herself again, the parts
that she loves and values, is truly magical.
And what does that mean, "to find yourself"? It means
embarking on a journey of discovery to reconnect with
who you are at the deepest level, to remember and
relive the things that bring a smile to your face and joy
in your heart. It's about recommitting to the things you
value most in life and making choices to live in sync
with what is important to you.
It is in your power to find happiness. All it takes is an
act of love - an act of self-love.
