We live in a culture that tends to define success by
external measures of achievement, i.e., money in the
bank, the neighborhood we live in, our track record of
promotions, the size of our salary, the letters following
our name, the college we send our kids to.
Unfortunately, success is rarely defined by
the "feeling" quality of our life.
We can have it all, on paper. But when our insides are
churning, when our personal life's a mess, success
by society's definition seems hollow indeed!
Take a good look at how you define success for
yourself. Is your definition of success solely focused
on how much money you make, how big you grow
your business, how great your achievements at work,
or how clean your house is? Do you saddle those you
love (your spouse, your children, your friends) with the
same expectations? I see this as a source of a great
deal of unhappiness. The pursuit of external symbols
of success does not equate to the pursuit of
happiness.
An important key to happiness is to broaden your
definition of success to include how you want to feel
about the quality of your life! No amount of money or
external accolades can buy you happiness. If your life
is devoid of the things you value deeply on a personal
level, success defined by work accomplishments will
always leave you longing for more. A life lived out of
sync with your deepest values will eventually lead to
burnout, boredom or blues.
The best way to go about creating a personal
definition of success that will support you in attaining
a sense of contentment and happiness in your life is
to spend some time exploring what you truly value. I'm
not just talking about things like honesty, integrity or
what we call family values. These are of course an
important piece of the picture, but it's not the whole
picture.
Do you value physical health and emotional well
being? Do you value quiet time in nature? Do you
value quality time with friends? Do you value creative
expression and having time for creative pursuits? Do
you value harmonious relationships? Do you value
inner peace? These are just a few of the questions
you can ask yourself to help you get in touch with what
is most important to you.
Perhaps you don't have the big house or the big
salary, but you've got deep loving relationships and a
sense of personal contentment and well being.
Congratulations! That's a level of personal success
that eludes a lot of people!
Perhaps you've got the big house and the big salary,
but you are chronically stressed, your relationships
are falling apart and you are feeling a personal failure.
You fantasize about leaving your job and embarking
on a new, more peaceful direction, but you've got
those golden handcuffs and going backwards
financially, even temporarily, to allow you to change
course, feels like a failure.
Perhaps you have none of the above and are feeling
like a miserable failure all around.
Wherever you are in your life's journey, you have the
opportunity to take charge of your own happiness. Be
grateful for what you do have. Give yourself
permission to explore what would bring you greater
contentment. Take a look at how you define success
for yourself and strive to achieve a balance of personal
and professional well being.
Make intentional choices and take actions that will
enable you to live your life in sync with what you value
the most. Then you can reap the rewards of living a
rich and robust quality of life. That's my definition of
success!
