I’m working with an executive to develop aspiring leaders in her firm by having them understand and communicate to others the actual ways they provide leadership. As I ask them to describe themselves, the fear of being too honest arises.

They ask questions like:

“Won’t I be seen as weak if I talk so honestly about myself?”

“Do they really need to know this about me?”

“I’m not sure how honest I can be, isn’t this risky?”

Their questions pertain to the fear of being honest and stem from several concerns:

First, there is a natural tendency for leaders to want to make a good impression. They are used to talking about their strengths, abilities, and accomplishments. Talking about areas where they need to improve or about personal characteristics, anything that might be seen as negative, undermines their desire to make a good impression.

There is also the belief that leaders need to be strong. Therefore, anything that might suggest weakness or vulnerability is not talked about.

Many leaders believe, rightly, that they need to exude confidence so they will be followed. They extend that to include the belief that assessing their leadership honestly will erode the confidence others have in them. So, they hold back.

Their fears are, for the most part, misguided. As long as their honesty is used to explain their style of leadership and their ability to make a difference, they don’t have to be concerned.

Despite this kind of reassurance, though, it often takes a bit more to help aspiring leaders to be honest about themselves and their leadership. The following two approaches help.

Have senior executives tell their own stories in order to demonstrate that being honest about yourself is acceptable. Once aspiring leaders see their bosses revealing themselves honestly, it’s easier for them to follow their bosses’ lead and to be honest themselves. I’ve done this in two ways.

For those senior executives I’ve worked with and know well, I have them tell their own stories and suggest specific examples they should use. For those senior executives I don’t know as well, I invite them to the program and interview them in order to have them share their stories and examples by answering my questions. Both ways work.

The second approach is to require the aspiring leaders to share their own stories with others. I don’t give them a choice. Instead, I require them to talk honestly about themselves with one another. Because they all have to talk about themselves, it helps them to overcome their reluctance – no one is exempt and they benefit from hearing what the others have to say.

To make it a bit easier, I have them write out what they’ll say first. I provide them with a template to follow so they don’t have to wonder what to say. They just have to fill in the blanks. I restrict the questions to areas pertaining directly to work and that don’t require them to “spill their guts” or “bare their souls” so that it’s less risky for them to answer truthfully. Then, I have them talk in small groups as opposed to a large group.

Once the logjam of reluctance is broken and they realize they can just be themselves and that their fears are unwarranted, the need to maintain a façade evaporates and they become more relaxed and even more honest.

Does it really matter that leaders overcome their fear of being honest? Absolutely. Leaders are more effective when they make decisions and take actions based on an accurate and realistic understanding of their abilities.

How honest have you been in assessing your abilities and communicating about your leadership?

The ancient Roman, Tacitus, wrote, “Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader.” I couldn’t agree more.

Leadership is not a cut-and-dried, paint-by-the-numbers responsibility. Good leaders analyze data, assess the situation, and evaluate options. They use their experience, expertise, and intellect to make a decision.

Their decisions rely on their reasoning and judgment. The proof lies in the results they produce.

Truly good leaders relish the opportunity to make decisions in order to test, time and time again, their reason and judgment.

I’m in the middle of a biography of Napoleon Bonaparte. I’m struck by the many things he did that I don’t associate with good leadership. For example, he:

Never took responsibility for mistakes, instead, he always found someone else to blame.

Consistently ignored or rejected the facts of a situation if they didn’t correspond to his preconceived notions.

Regularly lied to others by exaggerating or making up successes and ignoring or greatly minimizing obstacles.

Repeatedly made promises to direct reports that he didn’t plan on keeping.

Allowed rampant corruption by his subordinates that filled their personal coffers and siphoned off resources that should have gone to feeding and supporting his troops.

Berated and demeaned his staff both publicly and privately and persisted in holding grudges against those who disagreed with him.

Why is that that so many leaders get away with behaviors like this? What do you think?

email: archie@archietinelli.com archie@archietinelli.com