I’ve been in Greece for most of the month of January. The culture here encourages people to take it easy, especially at this time of the year when the olive harvest has been picked, the trees pruned, and the tourists won’t show up for several months. There’s lots of time to think. I’ve been thinking about the differences in language, especially between leaders and those they lead.

At a restaurant in our village in Greece, my wife and I ordered grilled lamb chops. The waiter, and just about everybody else in the restaurant who heard us order, was shocked and confused. Then they laughed. The reason was that we’d used the word for small children (paithia) instead of the word for grilled lamb chops (paithakia). We had ordered small children for dinner.

I’ve seen innumerable examples of leaders making a similar mistake, not by using the wrong word as my wife and I did, but by using words that are interpreted differently by others. A few examples.

A few years ago, I was working with the senior management team of a professional services firm to assess the perceived lack of potential future leaders of the firm. The senior management team was looking for initiative on the part of prospective future leaders and didn’t see it. The problem was that how they defined initiative was not how the prospective leaders understood it. The senior management team saw initiative as aggressively seeking out new opportunities for advancement and asking for more responsibility. The prospective leaders understood it as being willing to do whatever it took to get the job done without having to be told what to do.

I worked with another company whose CEO was disappointed because he didn’t see the leadership ability in his direct reports that he expected. The problem was that he defined leadership ability as putting in long hours and being fanatical about considering every facet of an issue or task to ensure that it was done perfectly the first time. By failing to explain this to his direct reports, both he and they were frustrated. The CEO didn’t trust his direct reports to take on more because they didn’t meet his unexplained standard and his direct reports were angry that they weren’t being given more responsibility and more money even though they had met or exceeded their goals.

Many of the businesses I work with provide services to others businesses and depend heavily on providing good customer service. One problem that has occurred repeatedly results from the difference in defining what good customer service means. For many members of services teams, good customer service means bending over backward to do whatever clients want in order to make them happy. For many of the senior leaders, good customer service means holding candid conversations with clients to talk about how to resolve changes in the contract as opposed to always doing what the client wants. These differences in understanding create confusion and conflict on service teams.

In each of these examples, the problem is caused because the same word or phrase is understood differently. How does that happen?

For the most part, it’s because leaders assume that the meaning of their words is as clear to others as it is to them. I have consistently heard leaders say:

“I’m not here to baby-sit my staff. They’re adults, not children. It would be insulting to them if I explained every little thing.”

“It’s just common sense, everybody knows what that means.”

“If I have to spell out what I expected all the time, I’d be wasting my time and theirs.”

“I shouldn’t have to coddle them. If they can’t figure it out on their own, they don’t belong here.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! Of course they know what that means. It’s not like we’re talking about astrophysics.”

What these leaders fail to recognize is that their unwillingness to accept responsibility for making themselves understood accurately creates problems that could easily have been avoided.

How so? There are two simple ways to ensure that the words you use are understood accurately.

The first is to define the word or phrase. And, the second is to ask others what they think you mean so that you can confirm or correct their understanding. Two quick examples:

“I expect us to operate as a high performing team. Let me explain what I mean because we may each have different understandings of what teamwork is based on our various experiences. I mean that we each have a specific role to play, that we do our jobs without having to be told, we rely on our colleagues to do their assigned work, and that if anyone else needs a hand with their work, we step in to help out.”

“I want us to be professional in our approach to this prospective client. I know what that means to me. But, in order to make sure we’re on the same page. Tell me, what ‘professional’ means to you?”

How good are you at not ordering small children for dinner by making sure the words you use are understood correctly?

Greece is a different place. Despite the differences, my wife and I feel at home there. We enjoy the food, the pace of life, the landscape, and the exuberant and loquacious Greeks. It’s a good fit for us.

Clients are sometimes a good fit, and sometimes they’re not. My clients are a really good fit for me now because we share an understanding of my role and how to work together collegially. The relationship works and the work is done easily and well.

With clients from earlier in my career, the fit was not nearly as good. We constantly struggled to be understood, to find common ground, and to resolve differences of opinion as to how the work should be done. The relationship and the work suffered.

Eventually, I decided to evaluate prospective clients on whether or not there was a good fit. Now, I work only for clients where the fit is good.

What’s the fit between you and your clients?

I just finished reading a book on the battle of Thermopylae at which the Spartans and other ancient Greeks fought a much larger army of Persians in 480 BC. It’s a watershed event because, as many historians have argued, if the Persians had won, the shape of western civilization would have been altered. The ancient Greek civilization of Plato, Pericles, Socrates and others may not have existed and the western world wouldn’t be what we are today.

There are watershed events in business, too. There are critical events that shape the direction of the business dramatically and that need to be recalled regularly in order to reinforce the key attributes of the people involved. In the case of Thermopylae, the Spartans fought fiercely against overwhelming odds to preserve their society.

What about your business? What are the watershed events that ought to be remembered and that provide you with an opportunity to remind everyone of what it takes to be an effective and proud contributing member of your company?

email: archie@archietinelli.com archie@archietinelli.com