If Father's Day reminds you of painful memories or leaves you feeling sad, upset, depressed or empty, what can you do?

1. Seek to become aware of your father wounds. I can hear some of you saying, "Why in the world would I want to do that?"

    

   When we carry anger, disappointment or pain from our past, we can have a tendency to overreact in our other relationships.  We may vent our anger at our spouse or children in ways that are out of proportion to the current situation. Sometimes the pain manifests as unexplained sadness or depression. In other cases, we live with fears and anxieties that we know are irrational, but still powerfully control our lives.  

2. Recognize the difficult feelings may be related to grief. Unresolved grief can easily be triggered when you feel a dad void. Can you talk to a friend or family member about your feelings? Simply telling someone who listens compassionately without judgement can help relieve the burden.  If that is not enough, a counselor can help you find peace and hope to get to the other side of the pain.
3. Spend time with supportive, nurturing people who care about you. Are there other men in your life who provide a healthy role model of the man your father should have been for you? In your church or community there may be men with love, kindness and wisdom who can be mentors in those places where you need a dad. 
4. Pay attention to your thoughts. Beware of negative, self-defeating thoughts swirling unhindered in your mind. Take charge of your thinking. Consider the positive things you have in your life or that your father brought into your life.
5. Do you need to forgive? "But how can I let go of what he did to me?"  Forgiveness is a transaction between you and God that releases the pain of past neglect and offenses. Is bitterness or resentment poisoning your heart? It is likely time for forgiveness. 

Give me a call at (805) 242-3569 or Email me to schedule a free consultation about how we can work together to reduce the pain.