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| Miracle Mondays With Moira | July 5, 2011 | |
 Greetings!
America, Belgium, Colombia and 16 other nations celebrate their independence this month. So July looks like a good time to talk about freedom, independence and so forth. On an international level, it looks like a no-brainer to choose freedom over bondage to an oppressive overlord who invades your land, enslaves your people and gobbles up all your gold or oil. On an interpersonal level, the choice appears less clear-cut. Many of us value freedom so highly, we've postponed or given up on love, so we can enjoy as much freedom as possible. On the other hand, many of us would take love over freedom any time. Independence is all very well, but who wants to be lonely? Do we have to choose between freedom and love? Is it really an either/or proposition? Today's article will look at love vs. freedom - and finding a better way. With love and appreciation, Moira PS - Click here to listen to this article and get healings around love and freedom. Thank you! |
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Dependence
Is it Cozy or Confining?
 When we're young, we depend on those who raised us to feed us, shelter us and generally take care of us.
Lily's parents met her emotional and physical needs as a child. She grew up feeling loved and cherished.
Today, Lily feels like her desires and wishes matter. Lily feels worthy and deserving of good things. So she rarely if ever needs to look to others to make her feel good about herself. She can love and be loved without going all needy or clingy.
By contrast, Susan's mother could not meet her needs as a youngster (Dad left when Susan was seven). Susan has spent most of her life trying to find someone who makes her feel loved and cherished ... someone who affirms her value ... someone who makes Susan feel like she matters.
In her bottomless need for love, Susan has given up her freedom, her mon'ey, her dreams ... whatever her string of abusive lovers demanded in exchange for what they both called love.
This makes for a very high cost of loving: So high that, at some point, Susan is bound to rebel against it.
Because love without freedom isn't really love at all, is it? It's control, fear, slavery ... not love.
When you feel bound hand and foot by love, independence can start to look very attractive.
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Independence
Is it Freedom or Isolation?
 When we first gain independence - parentally, romantically, financially, professionally - it can be an exhilarating experience.
We feel we can go anywhere, do anything, love as we please and live as we please.
Our response to endless options can vary.
- Susan returns to her old boyfriend, because living without him - even though he's so mean - seems too hard and scary.
- George goes hog-wild with all the pleasures he was long denied - fantasy rock 'n' roll camp, vodka, bed-hopping, going to the Super Bowl. He'll show his ex that she's not his boss any more!
- Monica heads right into isolation and depression. She spent most of her time resisting her mother's attempts to dominate her. Now that Mom has gone into assisted living and Monica no longer has to fight her way through the day, she feels empty and lost.
People who value independence often shy away from intimacy, friendships, even promotions at work - because they fear they'll get sucked into having to do things they don't want to do.
Fiercely independent folks can end up feeling lonely and depressed. They have their "freedom," but it has cost them love.
Having to choose between love and freedom creates a lot of pain and conflict - especially between men and women, as men tend to value freedom more highly than love, while women tend to value love over freedom.
Does it really have to be like this?
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Interdependence
Enjoy Love AND Freedom
We've seen that dependency arises from unmet emotional needs. When you're dependent, you look to others for love or security. This makes you a prisoner of other people's moods and whims.
We've seen that independence, taken to an extreme, makes you a prisoner of your own fear. You seldom connect with others, worried they will rob you of your freedom by demanding more than you wish to give - be it mo'ney, love, energy, attention, or time.
Where can love and freedom intersect?
At Interdependence.
How does that look in the day-to-day world?
- "I'll do X if you'll do Y"
- "If you do this for me now, I'll do that for you tomorrow"
- "What needs to happen for you to feel good about doing this with me?"
- "How can we work together to make this dream we both have a reality?"
This way, everyone gets seen and heard.
Everyone has love, and it never costs them freedom.
Everyone has freedom, and it never costs them love.
How different would your relationships be if you started practicing this now with your friends and loved ones?
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Recommended Resources
People whose work I love!
 | | Cherry Norris |
Meet Your Man Makeover Weekend:
Fabulous dating coach Cherry Norris offers her sensational style weekend to help you look ready and feel ready to meet your man. It all starts this Friday, July 8 in Los Angeles. Cherry and her husband Lorenzo have the most fantastic eye for what looks good on you! Click
here for all the juicy details.
Get Relationship-Ready: Brilliant Ned Kraft has rescheduled his 10-week teleclass to get you ready - mentally and emotionally - for the great relationship you've been yearning for. It starts Tuesday July 12, so you still have time to sign up. Click here to find out more - Ned's early bird special of only $49 for 10 great sessions ends at midnight tonight (Tuesday July 5).
2012: Change is Coming: The hugely gifted Dr. Kathleen Lewis will lead an experiential workshop around preparing for the changes 2012 will bring, so you can handle them with ease and grace. It all unfolds 10am to 3pm Saturday July 30 at the Oasis Healing Center in Mar Vista. Email Dr. Kathleen for details and registration. Hope to see you there!
The One Command Training: Asara Lovejoy's One Command technique has changed my life in powerful, positive ways. It's easy to learn and easy to do. Her next training will be held July 29-31 in Grapevine, TX (near DFW airport). Click here to find out more.
Note: I recommend these people because I've personally worked with them and gotten great results. I gain no financial benefit from recommending them and their work.
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Until we meet again ...
Thank you for taking the time to read or listen to this article. I hope you found it useful and/or entertaining!
As you've seen, it's possible to have love and freedom at the same time.
It's a matter of mutual caring, a willingness to negotiate, and believing it's more important to be happy than to be right.
Have fun playing with this ...
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If you know anyone who feels frustrated with their loved ones and you think they would enjoy this newsletter, would you please it to them?
Next week, we'll look at freedom from a different angle.
If you've been feeling as though, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get ahead - you'll want to read this!
In the meantime ... I wish you love, laughter and freedom.
Moira Shepard
Miracles with Moira
It's never too late to become who you might have been.
www.MiraclesWithMoira.com
Moira@MiraclesWithMoira.com
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About Moira
Speaker, author, teacher and healing practitioner Moira Shepard, C.HT, has successfully dedicated 15 years to guiding thousands of people through career changes, relationship dramas and health challenges.
Her acclaimed classes, workshops, radio shows and newletters have made her a sought-after mentor, coach and counselor for individuals, groups and companies.
If you would like to experience new insights and transformations like the ones demonstrated in this newsletter - tailored to your personal concerns - click here to find out more about how Moira can help you, her affordable new rates, and so on.
Click here to email your request for a fre'e 15-minute gift session (new clients only).
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Bless you.
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