May 27, 2012 - Are you a pleaser? Is it important to you to make everyone around you happy, even at your own emotional expense?  Or do you know someone like this? Being focused on others is most certainly a wonderful way to be, but when it includes always putting yourself last, then there is a problem. It is time to remind yourself and any others you know that what is important to you and to them counts too.  Kindness, consideration and goodness are fabulous traits that make a person wonderful to have as a spouse, friend, boss, family member or co-worker. However, when the focus is always on someone else and doing for others, it can sometimes mean there is an underlying feeling of personal disappointment, frustration and a feeling of never quite being good enough.  Doing for others and always putting self last may be a way of feeling better in the moment, but not over time. A desire to please to the Nth degree is a means of distracting you from what you really want to be doing for yourself either out of guilt, lack of confidence or feeling it would be viewed as selfish.

 
Take an MM&I Moment to understand why you never allow yourself to be first or to do what you really want to be doing. Is it because you care so much about what others think of you and doing for them will ensure they only think good things? Is it because you were taught that you should never focus on yourself, but only on others? Is it because you have been this way for so long you don't even know how to begin to take some time for yourself or do something for yourself? You can do for others and also do some things for yourself too.  Decide to do one thing that you want to do with others or for yourself this week, and then make it a point to do this on a weekly basis. Schedule some self-fulfilling activities that will nurture you like you nurture others. What you will find is when you bring some delight into your own life by allowing yourself to enjoy it as well, the joy you bring to others will feel more satisfying versus sacrificing. Then everything you are doing will truly feel good and fulfilling like never before.