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COMING SOON:
We are in the process of updating and expanding the Counseling Associates website. Keep an eye out for new features and an easier-to-use layout, among other changes. We hope you find it useful! As always, your feedback is welcome and appreciated. Make sure you check it out! Counselingassociates.com
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STAYING TOGETHER
All couples have arguments. The conflict may have to do with money, in-laws, sex or how to raise the children. How is it that some couples are able to work through these conflicts while others seem to be stuck in them or even torn apart by them? There are many answers, but one way that successful couples deal with their differences is through taking the following steps:
TALKING OPENLY
In the first stages of romance, we're caught up in the euphoria of early love. We think our partner can do no wrong. Over time, however, reality sets in and each of us realizes that our views or habits are different from the other's. This may be hard to accept, but learning to talk about these differences openly, without accusation or blame, can be productive.
COMMUNICATING CLEARLY
Practice clear communication. Instead of jumping to conclusions about what you thought you heard, repeat back what your partner just said to be sure you really understood it.
Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, which sound accusatory. Focus on your feelings, rather than what the other person did. No one can argue with your feelings. For example, saying "when you go to your mother's house after work instead of coming straight home to be with me, I feel ignored" is more likely to open up the lines of communication than saying "you always go to your mother's after work and I don't like it."
Avoid asking "why" questions, which also sound accusatory and can put your partner on the defensive. "Why do you go to your mother's house after work?" can quickly escalate and the point of your complaint ("I feel ignored") will get lost in the process.
LEARNING TO COMPROMISE
Once you're able to talk openly about differences, it's easier to work out compromises. Through clear communication, you'll be able to establish together what is or isn't important to you and your partner, and then decide on compromises accordingly. In a healthy, communicative relationship, both partners are able to compromise some of the time. Compromise is productive and enhances the respect you feel for each other.
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STILL NEED HELP?Just because you now have the steps in hand, working through them is not always as easy as it sounds. We can help you practice and work on these skills, to make your relationship that much stronger.
To schedule an appointment with a counselor, or if you wish to refer someone, please call Counseling Associates at (248) 626-1500 or visit our Web site by clicking here. Our phones are answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Sincerely,
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Dr. Sidney H. Grossberg, Ph.D., Executive Director
Counseling Associates 6960 Orchard Lake Road, Suite 100 West Bloomfield, MI 48322 (248) 626-1500 |
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