UNDERSTANDING GUILT

Cause and Effects

Guilt is the emotion we feel when we think we've done something we're not supposed to do, or have not done something we should have. It is an emotion we've experienced since early in our lives. If you've ever seen the look on a child's face when he or she feels guilty, you can understand what a basic and natural emotion it is. The child's eyes are downcast and avoid you. The child feels bad. These tips will help you understand what guilt is, why it's useful in some situations and why habitual guilt can be destructive.

GUILT HELPS FORM US

Guilt is a bad feeling and an effective teacher. As children, most of us felt guilty when we misbehaved. We wanted to avoid that bad feeling so most of us learned to follow the rules set out for us. That is one of the ways our behavior was shaped. In this way, guilt plays a part in learning right from wrong.

HABITUAL GUILT

As adults, we still have to follow the rules. Many of them are laws, such as traffic laws, imposed for personal safety. Some rules, however, become inappropriate for adults and we get stuck in a childish habit because we feel guilty if we do something different.

For example, many of us grew up with our parents telling us that we had to finish all of the food on our dinner plate. Our parents played on our childish guilty by reminding us of all the starving children who didn't have dinner. So we ate what we didn't like and we ate when we were no longer hungry. Stated simply, we learned to eat so that we wouldn't feel guilty. As a result, many adults are in the habit of eating every bite of food on their dinner plate, whether or not they're still hungry. Guilt has shaped the habit.

OVERCOMING HABITUAL GUILT

You can overcome habitual guilt by examining the guilt-making situation the next time it occurs. Do you feel guilty because you are sorry you did something? Or is the guilty feeling a result of habit? Adults have the right and the responsibility to make their own decisions. By analyzing the situations that cause you to feel guilt, you might be able to eliminate some unnecessary bad feelings from your emotional responses.

WHEN GUILT IS UNCONTROLLABLE

If you have difficulty overcoming your guilt feelings, it may be time to consult with a mental health professional.