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THANK YOU
December marks one year since we moved into our current location in West Bloomfield. With this also being the month for giving, we wanted to give thanks to all of you for making the transition with us.
To our clients, we appreciate the trust and faith you put in our services. To our referral sources, we are grateful for you keeping us in mind when the need arises.
As we continue to expand our presence in social media, we'd like to encourage you to check out the links on the left side of this message--to explore our services more fully and to show others what our clinic is about.
Happy holidays everyone. May they be fun and enjoyable for all.
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ADDICTED TO LOVE
"Love is all you need." For the person addicted to love, this becomes more than a popular lyric. It becomes a literal truth. What is love addiction, and why are some men and women addicted to love? How can the problem be identified, and how can those addicted be helped?
A PSYCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION
Love addiction is a psychological addiction, a result of unfulfilled childhood needs. Children whose needs remain unrecognized may adjust by learning to limit their expectations. This limitation process may take the form of harmful ideas such as, "my needs don't count," "getting close will hurt" and "I'm not worth loving." Such ideas do not satisfy childhood needs, leaving them still to be met later in life. As adults, addictive lovers remain dependent upon others to care for them, protect them and solve their problems.
Love addicts are characteristically familiar with desperate hopes and seemingly unending fears. Fearing rejection, fearing pain, fearing unfamiliar experiences, and having no faith in their ability-nor even their right-to inspire love, they wait, wish and hope for love, perhaps their least familiar experience.
CHARACTERISTICS OF ADDICTIVE LOVE
For addicts, love:
- Is all-consuming and obsessive.
- Is inhibited.
- Avoids risk or change.
- Lacks true intimacy.
- Is manipulative, strikes deals.
- Is dependent and parasitic.
- Demands the loved one's devotion.
EFFECTS OF LOVE ADDICTION
Addictive love is obsessed with finding the world in one lover. Their own growth and development having been thwarted earlier in life, addicted lovers attach themselves to their lover's identity. Often, this dependency results in their drawing unearned pride from their lover's accomplishments. Sometimes it leads to their demanding, for themselves, undeserved recognition for their lover's achievements.
Fearful of change, addictive lovers will stifle development of their own self, finding the ultimate security in believing they can become indistinguishable from their mate. Sometimes the fear of change is so great, all individual development of abilities, interests and desires is suppressed. Stagnation is a common characteristic of addictive love relationships.
The desperate need for security leads to emotional scheming. Addictive lovers are inclined to think that doing things for their mate will secure their love. The resulting opportunities for disappointment and resentment are sufficient to make such scheming futile. But addictive lovers are obsessed with impossible needs and unrealistic expectations. Love demands honesty and self-integrity. And it is a dynamic relationship, itself cultivating growth and change in lovers. The dependent, frightened attachments of love addicts are destructive to love.
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FREEDOM FROM LOVE ADDICTIONIf you discover you are in an addictive relationship, you may want to seek professional assistance. Specialized counseling is available for those dealing directly or indirectly with this form of addiction.
To schedule an appointment with a counselor, or if you wish to refer someone, please call Counseling Associates at (248) 626-1500 or visit our Web site by clicking here. Our phones are answered 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Sincerely,
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Dr. Sidney H. Grossberg, Ph.D., Executive Director
Counseling Associates
6960 Orchard Lake Road, Suite 100 West Bloomfield, MI 48322 (248) 626-1500 |
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