Greetings Fellow Travelers!

 

I recently spent a couple of days camping in the Mojave Desert with a long time friend, Bruce Belman. He and I first met in the mid-80s and from there became lifelong friends. When he lived close by, since our birthdays were only a few days apart-his being January 6, mine the 11th-we made a pact that we'd have dinner together in January every year. Well, he moved to Flagstaff years ago and although we've missed a few get togethers since he moved, we've made an effort to keep that agreement by either meeting up halfway or by me flying to Phoenix and going out for a couple days on his sailboat in a nearby lake.
    This year we camped in a spot where we'd been before, near an old fort called Ft. Piute that was occupied for only six months in the mid-1800s. It was stationed next to a year round water supply called Paiute Springs. The pioneers coming westward across the extensive Mojave Desert would stop here so they could refresh and replenish their water supply before tackling the rugged trail across the mountains and on to the promised land of California.
    It requires a four-wheel drive with plenty of clearance to get there, as once you're off the highway, it's a bumpy and rocky dirt road for about ten miles. But it's worth it! I love the desert because it's so quiet and peaceful, away from the usual noise of the city. It was a New Moon and we had a chance to witness the vast ocean of stars away from any intrusive lights. Someone once told me that this is why people get a bit crazy because they don't see the stars.
    The challenge for me was to take this peaceful, easy feeling (to coin a phrase from an Eagles song) back to the wilderness known as civilization. Not always easy to maintain, but some of these ideas have helped me. First, Turtle spirit has reminded me continuously over the past several months to SLOW DOWN! To do so, I find when I get caught up in the "hurry up syndrome" I BREATHE three full deep breaths. Another is to go outside on a clear night and spend a few moments just GAZING AT THE STARS. And last but not least, be sure to spend some time in SOLITUDE, preferably in Nature where you can experience the quietness.
    For this coming spring, check out my very active schedule here in and on my website, earthmagic.net.
    May you have many blessings in the coming weeks, filled with peace, love, and harmony!

 

Blessings,

 

Steven   

 The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long. 

 Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest. 

 Arguments first "start up" because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame. 

 A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them". This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well. 

Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road. 

Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for...."). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones.  For example, "We laugh a lot;" not, "We never have any fun".  A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to your emotional bank account. 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!