Be A Hero
I had the great privilege to be an observer in the Couple's Experiential workshop with Terry Real last week at The Center. 
Terry spoke again and again of "the enemy is same old, same old --we want something different! -- just do something different!" 
He then went on to explain it. 
"More of the same emotion most often brings more of the same interaction.", he said.  His advice to many over the three days (in addition to other tools) was to lead with the unaccustomed and see what happens.
"Whichever emotion comes most automatically, the strongest and quickest, the one you most often express-- that is the emotion to observe and to be least interested in (it's counter intuitive at first).  Instead, express, and more important, feel -- the other, less familiar emotions.
If you are accustomed to leading with vulnerable feelings, try leading with emotions of assertion.  If you are used to leading with strong, assertive feelings, try moving into increased vulnerability.  In short, access and express the unusual."  was his advice.
By restraining your knee jerk reaction, you invite healing. Terry would call this being a "Relationship Hero".  Choosing the very thing that feels counter-intuitive in that moment and breaking the pattern that keeps you stuck --getting more of what you don't want.  It also invites whomever you are with (even yourself) to choose a different response.

This week I invite you to be a relationship hero and choose something different, invite healing and see where it takes you.

Warmly,


Terry Real, distinguished therapist and best-selling author, will be back at The Center in September to lead his highly acclaimed workshop The Couples Experiential.  For more practices and tips on transforming your relationship, consider his best selling book "The New Rules of Marriage" or visit him online at www.terryreal.com