Israel News..... an "oldie but goodie"

By the Israeli humourist, Efraim Kishon.....            

Israel is a country surrounded on all sides by enemies, but the people's headaches are caused by the neighbours upstairs.

Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already so good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.

Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into the Mediterranean Sea .

Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a meal, rather than something one tosses into a martini.

Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to dig a cellar without hitting ancient archaeological artifacts.

Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in the country take buses.

Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in Hebrew.

Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book Week, during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.

Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you look like you need it.

Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one cares what rules say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.

Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own children.

Israel is the only country in the world where "small talk" consists of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.

Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.

Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone "out for a drink" means drinking cola, coffee or tea.

Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the mezuzah as they leave with their loot.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and admires the United States .

Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades ahead of Europe .

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign accent because everyone has a foreign accent.

Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.

Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting physicians end up giving the doctor advice.

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up conversations while waiting in lines.

Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attache case a "James Bond" and the "@" sign is called a "strudel".

Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most mysterious and mystical calm ambience in the streets on Yom Kippur, which cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.

Sunsets in Jerusalem are gorgeous every evening.

Israel is the only country in the world where people read English, write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish.

Off the Pulpit.....  

An Unexpected Encounter  By Rabbi David Wolpe

 

A charming story about the late, beloved Conservative Rabbi Mordecai Waxman:

Once while visiting Greece; he was invited out to dinner. On the way, he stopped to buy flowers for his host from a vendor in the street. He asked the price. The vendor said "26 drachmas." When Rabbi Waxman reached into his wallet to pay him, the vendor said: "That's not how it works. I'm supposed to say '26 drachmas,' and you're supposed to say, 'My dear Sir, they are only worth eight.' Then I am supposed to say 'You are taking the bread from my children but since you are a guest, I will go down to 21.' And then you are supposed to say 'Honored friend, the most they could be worth is ten.' Eventually after the back and forth, we settle on thirteen. That's how it works here."

So Rabbi Waxman reached into his wallet again and pulled out 13 drachmas. But the vendor said, "From my students, I don't take money" and gave him the flowers.

Incidental, unexpected encounters can be wonderful. Don't ignore the bag boy, the checker, the parking attendant, the merchant, the maintenance man. Every soul has sweetness; each hides treasures.