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Stay connected and receive updates on issues important to you. Receive invitations to events and see photos from past events.
Share stories about your kids through our Parent Pride Primetime every morning.
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Adoptive Parents
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Are you an adoptive parent?
Join the CT Adoption Community Network on Facebook for news and information on trainings and adoption-related events..  |
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Waiting Children
Please click on the AdoptUSKids link to view CT's children and youth waiting to be adopted.
The Bells of Hope rang for 28 of these children across the state last weekend.
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| Suggested Reading | |  Books on Foster Care And Adoption
Click here to download a PDF file containing a comprehensive list of books on foster care and adoption topics, including childrens' books.
Have we forgotten one of your favorite books? Please let us know and we will be happy to add it to the list.
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| Upcoming Events |
Please visit our events calendar on our website for a complete and up-to-date listing of ALL events that we will be appearing at. The events listed below are those we are hosting or play a significant role in.
Engineering Sunday at the Children's Museum hosted by CAFAP
West Hartford, CT
November 20
FAM Celebrates Nat'l Adoption Month Fairfield, CT
November 20
Stuff a Fire Engine
Danbury Square Mall
November 26
Ring of Hope Adoption Support Group
The Meeting Place
Prospect, CT
December 21
FAM's Got Talent
Waterbury, CT
April 2012
Bells of Hope
Faith Communities
November 2012
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Wednesday's Child 
WTNH Channel 8 airs a weekly segment featuring CT children available for adoption and families formed through adoption. Click on the logo above to see recent video segments hosted by Ted Koppy. |
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Words of Wisdom
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In all of us there is a hunger, marrow-deep,
to know our heritage- to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, and the most disquieting loneliness. |
Open House schedule available on our website
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Prospective foster and adoptive parents are welcome at any Open House listed on our website. Please call one of the regional coordinators listed at the bottom of this newsletter or email
us for more information or to schedule an individual appointment.
Click here for the most current listing of open houses across the state. |
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Volume 3, Edition 11 November 2011
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Greetings!
November is National Adoption Month as most of you know - a time to rejoice with all of the children and families who have adopted this past year and a time of renewed hope for children waiting for a permanent home and families licensed to adopt. This past week I attended a dinner where Adam Pertman, Pulitzer Prize-nominated author and Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute spoke. Mr. Pertman gave a presentation on the impact of social media and the internet on adoption. He made several recommendations to adoptive parents including: Be honest with your kids when talking about this subject. Try not to judge when kids talk to you about searching for information about their birth families and - probably his most important point - establish the kind of atmosphere that improves the odds that your child will tell you if he or she has decided to search. The impact of social media and the internet on connections between birth families and adoptive families is still not well-researched. In fact, he stated, "Words matter and we need to develop a language" to describe these connections and their consequences.
To this end the Institute has launched a multi-year study of this subject and is looking for information from adoptive families. If you have a story to share, he wants you to
email the Institute. They are actively soliciting families' experiences to assist them with their research. Our final article this month is from the Adoption Assistance Program. There has been a strong uptick in requests for assistance from Connecticut families whose kids have made connections with birth family through social media sites.
For all those finalizing an adoption this year, you can click on the link to access the information on
Thank you for your kind comments and responses every month. A number of families have suggested we include a recipe corner every month. If you would like to
submit a recipe that your family enjoys, we would love to publish them. If possible, please include a photo of your family enjoying the recipe or simply the dish itself.
Lastly, I would like to wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving! May you all have family to share the holiday with and too many blessings to count.
With thanks to all of our faithful readers and for our many blessings,
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Home for the Holidays
This is the story of Ray, age 12, a young man who has lived in foster care since he was four years old, and who thought he might never find the right adoptive family. Ray and his younger brother came into care when they were four and three years old. Ray and his brother were a tightly bonded and challenging pair-their energy was difficult to contain and they quickly moved through 6 foster placements. It was eventually decided that the boy's needs could best be met if they were placed separately. Ray's younger brother was placed with an adoptive family that could fully address his specific needs. Ray, however, continued to move quickly through a number of foster homes and hospitalizations. His frequent fits of rage and destruction were too much for his foster families to endure.
Eventually, Ray was referred to The Wendy's Wonderful Kids program (WWK). Wendy's Wonderful Kids is an adoption recruitment program funded by The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. The focus of the program is to find adoptive families for youth in care by utilizing child-focused recruitment techniques. Often, WWK Recruiters find that the best adoptive families for a child are found among those people already identified by the child as "safe and special." WWK focuses on finding people who have an existing emotional connection to child-kin, friend, professional staff. Research has shown these placements are often more "durable" -these families understand these kids as more than a sum of challenging or difficult behaviors-- these kids have a story of loss and a need for someone who knows them and understands.
This concept became reality the more that Ray's WWK Recruiter got to know him. Over the course of two years they had tried to match Ray with two adoptive families with experience in adoption and working with traumatized children. Ray rejected both families before placement could ever take place. Ray became anxious and overwhelmed just hearing about these interested families. Ray flew into a rage and become destructive when asked to meet a family or even to speak with them on the phone. According to the group home therapist, he sought comfort in the pillows and gentle music of the group home's (closet-sized) "sensory" room and always asked to be held in the strong and safe arms of the same trusted staff person. The staff person held Ray and rock him as he sobbed. The staff person did this every time and it seemed to be the only thing that helped. Twice, the therapist halted a transition process with interested families stating Ray was not yet ready.
"But, wait...who is this staff?" asked Ray's WWK Recruiter. The group home therapist identified the staff person as "Aaron," a man in his 30's who had worked at the group home for the past several years. The WWK Recruiter began to have conversations with Aaron and inquired of Aaron about what type of family Ray needed. After six months of conversation, Aaron came to the realization that he would like to adopt Ray.
Ray eventually became aware that another adoptive family had come forward for him -Aaron. Those who knew Ray expected him to display joy and relief-but again, Ray raged! Again, Ray sought comfort in the pillows and gentle music of the (closet-sized) "sensory" room and asked to be held in the strong and safe arms of his trusted staff person- Aaron. This time the group home therapist did NOT conclude that Ray was not ready for family. This time the group home therapist could finally see that Ray will need to rage and grieve-because moving forward with a new family means letting go of a fantasy of being returned to mom. Knowing the strength of Aaron's commitment to Ray, the group home therapist suggested Aaron clean out his coat closet at home and fill it with pillows and gentle music....for the days ahead when Ray finally comes home and will need to be held in his adoptive family's strength and safety.
The Wendy's Wonderful Kids program site in CT is at Klingberg Family Centers in New Britain. To learn more about WWK, click on the WWK logo above or call Mary Dean at 860.832.8853.
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 Each month one of our partners features a "star" whose service to children in foster care deserves special recognition. Stars receive a small gift from FAM and a certificate of appreciation from the nominating agency.
This month our partner, The Institute of Professional Practice, Inc., is honoring one of their families.
Sharon and Steve were licensed with IPPI's Professional Parenting Program in February, 2000. Over the years, they have fostered several children and last year adopted Julio. Their first foster son was 8 years old when he arrived and 18 when he moved on. Another boy was 12 years old when he arrived and also 18 upon his departure. Sharon and Steve have cared for their now adopted son for the past seven years. He is a medically complex youth who they began providing respite for before agreeing to take him into their home on a full time basis. They also care for another medically complex youth who has been with them for the past 5 years. Most recently, a little boy entered their home as an emergency placement. He will be staying with them until he is adopted. Sharon and Steve have proven to be one of our program's most reliable and successful foster parents.
Martha Wick-Glaser (Licensing Supervisor) says, "Sharon and Steve have been a pleasure to work with both personally and professionally. They represent everything we are looking for in a foster family. Coupled with their extraordinary compassion for children in need, they possess outstanding administrative and organizational skills. They consistently exceed the expectations outlined for foster parenting." I had the opportunity to sit down with Sharon and Steve recently. Here is a summary of our interview:
Why did you decide to become foster parents? Sharon & Steve learned about The Professional Parenting Program through Sharon's sister who worked at IPP in the adult services division. Their biological children had moved out and they weren't ready for an 'empty nest'. This, coupled with a positive experience with an exchange student, they decided to open their home to a foster child.
What are the rewards of foster parenting? "Seeing the children make progress! It takes a lot of time to make a little progress but once you start making progress, it continues." For instance, one of the little boys had trouble with transitions when he was first placed. Upon his arrival home from school, he had difficulties unwinding and would become extremely aggressive (i.e.: throwing toys, yelling, etc.) Now, he comes home happy and is eager to talk about his day and spend time with the other family members. It makes a huge difference on the overall climate of the home in the afternoons. With progress also comes opportunities for children with special needs to experience life at its fullest such as vacationing, participating in sporting events, going to the movies, eating out at restaurants, etc.
Who are the people that make up your circle of support? Sharon and Steve are very fortunate to have a large circle of support that play an integral role in their success as foster parents. This includes their IPP direct service staff, IPP's administrative support, DCF social workers, Dr. Gonzalez (psychiatrist), CCMC's various medical providers, In-home health aides, multiple respite providers, school personnel, other foster parents, and rehab equipment providers. Having a multidisciplinary team is invaluable to this family.
What's the secret to your success? This couple agrees that the most important aspects of successful foster parenting include: staying organized, being patient, working as a team, good communication with treatment providers, being focused on the positive vs. the negative, flexibility, a willingness to make sacrifices, and always having a back-up plan. Additionally, Sharon and Steve have regular date nights so they can maintain their connection with one another.
What's the hardest challenge you have had to overcome? Sharon explained, "In the beginning, it was hard for me to accept some of the suggestions of IPP. I was used to raising my own children a certain way. It took some time for me to understand the rationale to do things differently." Sharon said it was worth it to work through the process because eventually you see the results. She believes it got easier as time went on and ultimately she learned to trust her workers and their suggested interventions.
What advice do you have for people contemplating foster parenting? "To give it a try! There are a lot of rewards and you may really be able to positively impact a child. Do your research to make sure you will get the supports you need."
Christy George-Tottenham, LMFT
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Social Networking and Adoptive Youth
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Help available for CT adoptive families
Social networking sites are creating opportunities for people to connect with one another with a click of a button. More and more frequently, the Adoption Assistance Program (AAP) is receiving calls requesting help navigating the connections that are made between children and their birth family members. It has become common for older adopted children to seek out information on birth family mem
bers using sites such as Facebook. Birth parents, siblings and other birth relatives also use these sites and at times, make unsolicited approaches to children who have been placed into adoptive families. While the results of such connections vary dramatically, what
is apparent is that adoptive parents are often caught off-guard and feel ill-equipped on how to navigate what can be very muddy water. While there are no clear answers, the AAP is a resource for parents, and others, who need help managing the complex situations that can arise from this contact. The AAP can be reached at 860.679.4006.
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 Integrated Aesthetics
Star of the Month Gift Certificates are made possible by the generosity of our partner, Integrated Aesthetics, a skin care studio in Woodbridge, CT.
Please visit their website to check out the range of organic & clinical facials as well as therapeutic massage & body treatments, makeup lessons & application. The studio serves all ages, including teens.
Contact the studio at 203.687.7923 to schedule an appointment. |
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