Recently, many of you participated in our survey regarding families' needs and thoughts regarding their experiences with foster care and adoption in Connecticut.  Unfortunately, due to the length of the comments section alone, we will be unable to publish it in its entirety.  Below please find a selection representative of the comments from the survey.  The only changes we have made are for ease of reading and to protect privacy.

General comments: 

•  I am in LOVE with my Job as a Foster Parent.
• I have been a foster parent since 2000 and enjoy the foster children that have been in and out of my home, even though they have many problems. It is good to teach and guide them. To be able to show that they have better choices they can make for themselves means and even though it is tough times for most of them they have a chance to change with love and support.

Regarding supports:

• Having support groups near to home are very beneficial - would also like to see CAFAP outreach to community to teach the general public about foster care - so many myths and old ideas about what foster care is - our children would be treated as equals at school and sports if there was a better understanding of the foster care system. In 2011 if CAFAP publicized more to the general public and that would support our efforts and help us be respected and understood in our communities too :)
•  Requested Topics: Understanding teen transitions and dating, social activity that gets teens and parents together to work on a common goal but give a networking venue for parents as well as teens.
• I would LOVE to see a youth group formed for the kids!
• Any training to help us keep up with what is happening in technology is a must. Our children are constantly pressured into using Facebook and other social sites and, if unchecked, this technology can lead to very serious problems for the children using them. We must be educated to educate the youth in how to responsibly use these tools.
• We like being able to network with other families and share information and resources.
• I have been to only a few of the free events offered only because of my full calendar. Please do not take these events away because of lack of participation, just get the word out more, because if they weren't there and I was looking for something to do with the kids I'd be sad. I will make more of an effort to attend!
•  Our family primarily accepts placements of male teenagers. We would like to see more entertainment opportunities for the older age group. We have gone to baseball & basketball games, roller skating and shows at UCONN in the past and they were an excellent way for our family to spend time together. These opportunities need to be offered more frequently. Why not extend activities to basketball and hockey games, movies that are not Disney movies, gift certificates for the family to restaurants.
• I enjoy opportunities to meet other families and interact with them, but I hesitate to do too many activities with the kids that are geared towards adoptive/foster kids. I do not want them to feel like that is their identity. I am more inclined to encourage my kids to make friends in the community and be "regular kids" in a normal family.
• The more lifebooking opportunities the better. Perhaps an online support group for parents like me who have difficulty getting to the in person sessions.
• It all sounds wonderful to me and I am so looking forward to learning more about this whole process. It is very strange but I have been thinking about it more so over the past six months and it seems whether the newspaper, radio or internet I get some message of sorts that reminds me that I need to do this now, that there is a child who needs me, that I can make a difference. I also think a mom's night out and a child's night out is crucial for both sides as this would be such an adjustment.
• It would have been great to have had a "While You Wait" support group with just the licensed waiting families. It deepened the pain of waiting seeing others already been matched.

What gives you satisfaction:

• I cannot believe I get to do this job! The satisfaction I get is seeing the kids we care for start to "come into their own". I love seeing their self confidence develop and their personalities come through. The most amazing thing is when the child starts to feel safe and secure, and you can see the worry and stress melt way
• The most satisfaction that I get is to see how my children have grown and been able to defy some of the diagnosis ruts that were anticipated. I love to see how they are able form relationships and deal with the life they have been given.
• I enjoy children, being the oldest female in a family of 10. But the most important thing is the fact that if a family member goes into the system, you have a chance to get them back into the bio family as a foster-relative care-giver.
• Our social worker is an excellent resource for our family and advocate for the child.
• To be able to give something back somehow, to be able to help a child in need and/or crisis. My heart tugs for the teenage girl for some reason. I really cannot pinpoint this only to say that as a substitute teacher I saw a lot of broken and abused children and the girls seemed to be more in crisis and I always felt the need
• Knowing that the child I had in my care, helped me learn things about myself as well as her learning things about herself. Everyone has knowledge and I am pleased that I was able to share my knowledge with someone, and that knowledge helped to make her a better person
• The thought of knowing that we can be make a difference in not only a child's life but also that of a parents (bio).Should have more promotion of working with bio parents.
• Most satisfaction as a foster resource for children is knowing we are providing a safe place and a positive experience, even if it is only temporary. Resource that provides me the most satisfaction is the monthly ... support group. I go when I can and always appreciate the advice/answers and understanding ears.
• 1. When children keep in touch w/you after they go home or go on to school/college. 2. Or when the teens thinks it's time to get out of DCF and on their own and in a month or two they call and want to come back home.
• To see the smiles and get the hugs..to know you are making a difference and that they have made one in me. And to know that my biological children have grown up to be better for the experience and would also consider fostering/adoption.
• What gives me the most satisfaction is...1) Knowing that my adoptive son won't ever be hungry again. 2) Knowing that my Social Worker always looks out for my family and is careful about children placed in my home.

Challenges:

• My challenge is the unknown for my kids and their diagnosis' and how that plays out in their life..but for me... I know that I have a great support system in DCF, FAM, CAFAP,AAP, Precious Hands and all the people involved in each area etc.... but more than that, I have faith that God will get me through each day, one day at a time.
• It's tough being a relative caregiver since the family knows you and knows how to reach you and expects you to jump through hoops or bend the rules for them. Maybe discussing how to circumvent these situations in an effective manner without offending family (would be helpful.).
• The biggest challenge we have is every day is different, and it can change on a dime, without notice. That is what is hard with our son. We don't get a break or time away for our self. I would like to find a good family therapist in our area.
• Big challenge is bonding with a street smart and distrustful child. Another one is how can we explain differences of adopted child to our bio children. Maybe classes/articles on those topics.
• The most significant challenge that we face is the lack of knowledge we have regarding our children's life prior to coming to us. We do get a general synopses of why the child(ren) were removed from their caregiver but it would be very valuable if someone took the time to really get an understanding of what their day to day life was really like.
• Very frustrating not being more involved or asked about our opinion for the future placement of the child.....would love to hear from the Attorney and have them visit the child and have my own ideas tabled and tell it from the foster parent's perspective.....
• The most significant challenge is the bureaucracy that potential foster parents must navigate. For instance classes, finding ones that fit into our schedules. After a year, we have found Saturday classes that (but 40 minutes away). I would think with the shortage of foster care parents that classes would be held regularly and at our convenience.
• A challenge I face now is not having much information and NO direct contact with my adoptive son's birth parents. While I am open with him about his adoption, there are so many questions that I do not have the answers to.
• We want to "do the right thing" for our child in structuring adoption; we want to protect him & at the same time somehow give him access to the answers of questions that he will undoubtedly have. Adopted people generally want to know where they "came from". I want to raise a self-assured child who knows he was chosen. Would love training on this.
• The most significant challenge is the fact that we are team members, but are sometime not included in the team. I would like to see more communication between DCF workers and Foster parents. The child is the most important common denominator in the teaming and we are the child's advocates.

An experience that made you feel good:

• The best experience that I have ever had is the friendships that I have made along the way.
• When my foster children went home to their mom, she was so appreciative of us that she gave us a gift certificate to go out to eat and still lets the kids come over to visit!!
• Our son was bragging to his friends about how he and his new "dad" were working on fixing the truck together.
• There are so many! Having a teen experience personal breakthroughs, accomplish her goals and achieve personal happiness and hope because she has been in our home does it for me every time!
• Having a foster son call years after, thanking me for our support and love for him. And that he never forgets our helpful advices and his exposure to church. Having them still be able to just hang out at the house for a mini weekend rest. :)
• We have fostered over 70 children and seen improvement in many of them. We have been visited by some who are now adults and came back to thank us for the care we provided them. We have had many good experiences and recommend fostering and adopting to anyone who brings up the subject to us.
• We feel especially good about being a licensed caregiver when our babies are finally teamed and we experience transition and actually see our babies accept and love their situation, such as a future adoption or going into a relative home or reunited with their biological family.
•  When out of the blue they leave you a thank you note telling you how special you are and they appreciate all you have done. When they still return to see you and stay after they leave home because they have become part of your family for-ever.
•  Being able to mentor the birth mother and child.
• This Christmas one of our teens gave us a card that said while he wasn't crazy about being in foster care, he couldn't think of any other home he'd rather be in right now. Last summer a young lady dropped by to visit and said that while she didn't get it 10 yrs earlier, the things we did for her-dance class, horse riding lessons-meant a lot.
• We had a 2 year old girl in our care last summer that did not like me much at all for a while (Dad here) but one day I did get her to help me in my garden picking beans. She was having a blast picking each one and handing it to me. She even tried a few. She never ate them, but tried a lot! It may have been the first time she ever got to do that.
• Hearing my boys call me dad to their friends.
• A past foster child went back to his grandparent and I was called and asked that if this grandparent didn't make it through upcoming surgery, would we consider taking this child. I as shocked and honored to be so trusted to do that. Maintaining relationships where it is possible is AWESOME
• The Love these children give you; their smiles, huggies, the mommy and me time, the way their faces light up when you buy them something they wanted. It is very rewarding... and when they get ready to be reunited the Thank you for taking care of me and can I call you... This connection is why I am a foster parent.
• Everything about it is great. You give to the children and they give you back so much more! Its the most wonderful gift. I can't just pick one.