Recently I attended a mini-conference featuring Dr. Greg Keck.    Dr. Keck is the (co)author of a number of books on parenting adopted children including Adopting the Hurt Child.  His topic for the day was the impact of trauma on developing brains - specifically the brains of children in foster care. 

What happens to cause the issues these children and their foster or adopted families live with every day?  And what concrete steps can parents take to help their children and in so doing help their entire family?

The conference covered many issues that day.  Below I have provided you with a few enticing (some amusing) snippets from the day.  I hope these "little bits" will encourage you to sign up when Dr. Keck returns to Connecticut.  (Any errors in describing his discussion are due to my inexpert notetaking!) I found his speaking style to be incredibly candid and realistic AND funny!  He is an adoptive parent himself and includes many anecdotes that adoptive families will recognize as snapshots from their lives.  The FAM adoptive family support group, Ring of Hope, meeting in Prospect every 3^rd Wednesday will be reading Dr. Keck's book, Parenting the Hurt Child over the next few months.  I strongly encourage adoptive parents to join us for what will be a fun and educational experience.

• Dr. Keck stated that many families begin to feel that they are living with their children's birth families instead of feeling like the kids are living with our families. 
• Kraft macaroni and cheese is the gourmet food of foster care.
• "The scarcity effect:" Parents should buy lots of any food item being hoarded, make it readily available at all times, and the overeating and hoarding of it will stop.  Dr Keck suggested that parents provide a plastic storage container and fill it with the offending items.  Dr Keck made a point of stating that there must always be more than the child would be able to eat so that the child eventually stops being anxious about the food running out.  And make it available to eat whenever he or she wants it. The child will feel secure knowing the food is always within reach and under his control. This is key to resolving the issue.  It is vital to allow the child to store the food in his or her bedroom if that is where they have been hiding these food items. (He made a point of addressing the concern that many parents express about food in bedrooms encouraging bugs or rodents.  A sealed plastic container will not encourage rodents or bugs, he said, unless there are already bugs present in the house.) If the parent can tolerate this method, the behavior should extinguish rather quickly.
• No matter where a child is adopted from, always remember they have come out of trauma to be adopted.  Basically they are the same population whether they are adopted through foster care or internationally.
• Highest incidence of FAS is Korea, then Russia, then the USA. Alcohol consumption during day 20 of fetal development results in FAS facial features.  Binge drinking is much more dangerous to the developing fetus than regular drinking (low levels).
• When you import trauma you will be touched by it.  When parents are at their highest level of arousal, you are where the kids are all the time.  There are physiological consequences to these chronically high arousal levels: shortened life spans, for some up to 20 years.  That is why it is critical to address these issues early and thoroughly.
• The core of your character is usually set by your late 20's.  This was meant to be a hopeful comment.  In other words your teens still have a long way to go before you can say that they will not/cannot change.
• Social Service Systems need to work together - not in isolation.  Our kids need a more global approach to resolving their issues.
• Finding humor in not-so-funny situations helps adults to parent this population of kids.
• Kids who have been traumatized often have a difficult time sustaining curiosity and activities.  They can be hypervigilant.
• Parent-centered families rather than child-centered families enable these children to function better.
• Good therapy is based on three things: trust, relationship development, and ability to facilitate change in the client.
• Interesting therapeutic tool: video game played with brain only. Device attached to child whereby game turns off if child is hyper-aroused.  Child must maintain calm state in order to continue game.

Please let us know if you would be interested in attending a conference featuring Dr. Keck.

Once upon a time, in December of 2004, Marie became a licensed foster parent under Treatment Foster Care with Family & Children's Aid.  Marie was a school psychologist and dealt with a wide array of children throughout her career. Considering her career, we were very excited to have Marie on board since she had so much experience dealing with traumatized children.

 In 2005 she was matched with her first foster child. Marie worked extremely well with him and his biological family.  She supervised phone calls, had them over for dinner, and became a mentor for his biological mother.  Marie stuck through some rough times with this young man until it was determined that he needed a higher level of care than a community placement. Following his placement to a residential facility, Marie remained a resource for the child.

Marie has helped promote and recruit for private foster care.  She has done emergency respite placements, treating each child with compassion.   Marie has always been respectful to Family & Children's Aid agency staff.

Marie's second placement, Brea, was an emergency placement in 2006; she still remains there today! Brea felt that she belonged at Marie's.  Patient, accepting and understanding are just some of the words Brea uses to describe Marie as a caretaker.  Marie became very invested in Brea's likes and interests. She also encouraged Brea to keep in contact with her biological family.  Marie was very interested in adopting Brea and couldn't wait for the day to come. On December 16, 2010, Marie and Brea "adopted each other" as they like to say!  It was a very exciting and emotional day for both of them.

Brea and Marie are currently celebrating their adoption status! In the meantime, Marie will remain a respite resource for a child. We would like to thank Marie for her dedication and commitment to our agency and the children that she has cared for.

  
This month we feature a poem written by a young man to honor his recently deceased grandparents.  Joel's grandparents were honored this past fall with an Angels in Adoption award for their unwavering support of the adoption of their grandchild by a Connecticut family.  Our website features Lenny and Phyllis Abelson's story - a story of hope and faith.  Phyllis and Lenny and Joel's family adopted each other.  Unfortunately, Lenny passed away October 8 from complications from Lewy Bodies Dementia.  Phyllis was diagnosed at about the same time with Esophageal Cancer and died on December 8.  Their "adopted family" misses them.  Joel, in particular, wanted to pay tribute to the grandparents he adored.