Facilitating Healthy Attachment in Adopted Children
A book review ~ By Allyson Mack, LCSW
Our children come to us with a multitude of experiences. Despite parent's hopes that love and a nurturing home will heal early wounds, it is not uncommon for adopted children to respond to ordinary situations in troubling ways. A child may refuse affection, use rage and tantrums for control, and otherwise disrupt the equilibrium of the family. By the time parents seeks professional guidance, they are often feeling angry and disconnected from their child.
Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D. and David R. Cross, Ph.D. in their book The Connected Child, offer respectful, empathetic, and commonsense parenting techniques that provide real opportunity for change. Their recommendations incorporate a multi-disciplinary approach that treats the whole child rather than attempting to simply address behavior. The book is filled with practical suggestions for addressing the needs of children and families and is a good selection for any parent seeking to correct and connect with their child. The authors offer the following diagram to understand attachment:
If Your Special Needs Adopted Child Had...
been held often and affectionately as a baby
been fed and nurtured regularly
an early caretaker who was sensitive to his signals
an early caretaker who was respectful of his boundaries
an early caretaker who was interactive and responsive
Your Child Would Have Become Securely Attached and Able to...
bond and connect with his family
respond appropriately to adults
make friends and interact sociably with other kids
stay with a game or task enthusiastically
learn and ask for help
To Develop Attachment Skills, Your Child Will Need...
loads of extra affection and kindness
appropriate rules, structure, and boundaries
varied exercise and sensory enrichment activities
cuddling, feeding, and rocking
lessons in how families stick together
lessons in treating people with kindness and respect
As much as parents hope for a quick solution, no single treatment works perfectly with all at-risk children. The author's approach treats the whole child, with all his or her interrelated needs, not just one small aspect of behavior or illness. For the best results, you need to:
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Disarm your child's fear response
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Establish clear and sensitive parental authority
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Provide a sensory-rich environment
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Teach appropriate social skills
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Support healthy brain chemistry
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Help the child connect with his or her own feelings
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Forge a strong emotional bond between you and your child
Common Obstacles to Attachment:
Child Carriers- Touch helps awaken healthy neurological connections in the brain. Whenever possible, hold or cuddle your infant or young child.
Lack of Eye Contact- Eye contact cements the parent-child connection.
Time-Outs- This common discipline reinforces the often deeply ingrained experience that a child can rely on herself and that she is alone against the world. Instead, when disciplining your child, bring her in closer to illustrate that you want to help her work through problems.
Television, Movies, and Electronic Games- Children who tend to be dissociative or lack attachment will seek out TV and games because these distractions are spellbinding and don't require social responsiveness. Instead,increase the amount of time your child spends with people and decrease the time she spends alone or with machines or objects.
~ Allyson Mack works with adoptive families across CT through the Adoption Assistance Program and through the Adoption Community Network
Sexting and Teens 
