I first learned about Mary-Jo and her family from a colleague, who told me about a couple in Fulton County that had adopted numerous children with disabilities. I visited the family's website, where I read that Mary-Jo and Michael had raised seven biological children and adopted twenty-three children with varying degrees of disabilities.

I met with Mary-Jo in her home to speak with her about her experiences in parenting children with a vast array of special needs. Mary-Jo spent the first few minutes of our interview providing me with a brief biographical history of her family.

From the time that they married, Mary-Jo and Michael knew that they would one day adopt. They gave birth to seven children biologically, and had a wonderful parenting experience. In 1994, when their youngest child was 10-years-old, Mary-Jo and Michael adopted their first child from Russia. At that time, international adoption was a much less complicated process. Michael was able to travel to Russia while Mary-Jo stayed home with the other children. The little boy that they adopted was 3 ½ years old and had a malformed leg. When Michael returned home, he immediately told Mary, "We have to do this again. Those orphanages are just bursting with children." During the next fifteen years, Mary-Jo and Michael added twenty-two more children to their family through adoption.  A number of their children were originally adopted by US families who were unable to meet the child's needs. Mary-Jo and Michael have provided a much needed home to children from disrupted adoptions.
When Mary-Jo and Michael adopted their first child, they were living in Indiana, and knew very little about the special education system. Mary-Jo had her Master's in Child Development, so she worked very closely with their son at home, helping him to learn the English language and other crucial developmental skills. Mary-Jo recalls that the school system seemed unprepared to deal with a child from another country at that time. The specialists told her that they could not test him because he did not know English. Over the years, this was an obstacle that they encountered time and time again as they attempted to acquire services for their children.

Mary-Jo and Michael have adopted children with a wide range of disabilities, ranging in severity. Some of the children have missing or malformed limbs. One child has a severe birth defect called arthorogryposis, where a number of joints are locked in place at birth and remain locked throughout the child's life.  One child is deaf and another child is partially deaf. One child has autism, and two suffer from heart conditions. Among the biggest frustrations that Mary-Jo and Michael have faced is that some of the children are not yet classified, or receive a vague diagnosis because they  "just don't reach the mark", but the specialists are unable to provide a clear diagnosis. These children are described as having "soft neurological issues", but obtaining services can be very challenging without having a clear diagnosis.

While Mary-Jo was used to caring for a large family after raising seven biological children, she found that parenting her adopted children was much more challenging in many ways. One of the biggest challenges in adopting internationally is that very little background information is available about the children. Most were exposed to generations of poverty, and received little to no prenatal care. Some were seriously abused or neglected, and some were exposed to alcohol and other toxins in utero. The children came with baggage that Mary-Jo and Michael had no control over, yet their early childhood environments have had such a tremendous impact on their later lives. Several of the children are officially diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and a few others show some symptoms of prenatal alcohol exposure, but there is not enough background information on the children for the doctors to make a formal diagnosis. Some of the children suffer from attachment disorder due to the abuse and/or neglect that they were exposed to prior to adoption. In addition, some of the children are displaying obvious signs of depression, anger, and other emotional disturbances.  Mary-Jo often has to remind herself that the children were traumatized before they came to her and that it's "not her fault".

In order to keep life running smoothly for the nineteen family members that are still living at home, Mary-Jo has developed a very structured routine. She has an extra large wipe board hanging in the kitchen with each child's name on it along with the days of the week. At the beginning of the week, she writes down all activities, doctor's appointments, and therapy sessions for each family member. Mary-Jo and Michael recognize the importance of extra-curricular activities in building confidence, social skills, and other skills in their children, so even though their afternoons and weekends are very hectic, they have enrolled their children in multiple activities.

On a typical weekday, Mary-Jo gets up at 4:45 AM and runs for an hour on her elliptical machine while Michael gets ready for work. The kids get up at 6:30 AM and are on the bus by 7:15 AM. While the kids are at school, Mary-Jo does laundry, prepares afternoon snacks for the kids, runs errands, works on PTA or church paperwork, and prepares dinner. She has found that one of the biggest areas that she has control over their budget is with the groceries, so she prepares as many things as possible from scratch in order to save money. Fortunately, none of the children are on special diets, so she is able to prepare the same meals and snacks for the entire family.

When the children come home from school at 3:15, the first thing that they have to do is put away their laundry. Once they are in high school, Mary-Jo places the responsibility on the children to determine when they will do their homework. The elementary age children have to sit at the table to complete their homework. One of the children has ADHD and is easily distracted, so Mary-Jo carefully reviews her homework assignments with her and then sends her to a room where she shuts the door until her homework is completed. She then receives a small reward such as playing her Leapster for a few minutes. This behavior management technique has been working very well in motivating her to complete her homework.

Michael gets home from work at 6:00, and Mary-Jo usually has dinner on the table within a few minutes of his return. One of the few rules that Mary-Jo makes the children abide by is that they need to eat at the table with the family if they are home when dinner is served. After dinner, the children complete chores, and then have time to play or watch television before their bedtime. The youngest children are in bed by 7:30 PM, the elementary and junior high aged children go to bed at 8:30 PM, and the oldest need to be in their rooms by 10:00, which is when Mary-Jo and Michael typically go to bed.

Mary-Jo admits that being an adoptive parent of children with special needs can sometimes feel very isolating. A few years ago, she joined an on-line support group, which has served as a lifeline to her. The members formed such a connection that they now meet face-to-face on an annual basis even though they are scattered throughout the country.

When I asked Mary-Jo what it's like to navigate the special education with so many children with such tremendous needs, she said, "Michael and I sometimes describe it as crawling up Mt. Everest on our hands and knees backwards in a snowstorm." One of the most difficult concepts to grasp as a parent of children with disabilities is that there is not always a set course that can guarantee success.  Just because something worked for another parent or because common logic or expert advice says that choosing a set path will result in a certain outcome, does not always mean that you achieve the outcome that you desired.  Mary-Jo states that "it's rarely black and white", and sometimes professionals provide conflicting information. Other times, parents are faced with a general lack of information in a specific area, and they have to keep asking questions. Mary-Jo and Michael have found some very helpful professionals whose expertise has become invaluable in treating their children, but they have also found that there is a general shortage of professionals in their area.
While Mary-Jo and Michael have opened their hearts and home to children who have been traumatized and neglected, they are aware that their love will not always be returned by the children in the way that they expect. They try to maintain reasonable goals for themselves and for their children. Mary-Jo states that their goal is simply "to raise children who are going to function in society and who are not going to do anything illegal."

To visit the Jackson Family Website, click here.