Do you react to people and situations with aggressive, assertive or passive responses? Many people assume that the way they behave is just the way they are and say things like, "This is just who I am or that's just the way he or she is." When in truth, it is not how they are, it's how they are choosing to be.

When we choose to be aggressive, we are saying, "It's all about me baby. I don't respect you. I'm in control here." When we choose to be passive, we are saying, "It's all about you Mr. or Ms. Superior. I don't respect me. I don't want any conflicts that could cause a stressful situation." When we choose to be passive, we need to closely listen to the words of Eleanor Roosevelt when she said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." We are all equally deserving to use our voice. When we choose to be assertive we are saying, "It's all good. I respect you, and I respect me. Let's understand and resolve this together." The assertive approach is the appropriate approach for most situations. It brings about the confidence and respect necessary to pursue dreams and aspirations both professionally and personally.

Aggressive Behavior Traits
Disrespectfully direct and honest, bossy, closed off, reactive, acts from fears of not being right and in control.
Assertive Behavior Traits
Respectfully direct and honest, self-disclosing and open-minded, collaborative, proactive, acts from courage and choice.
Passive Behavior Traits
Indirect and dishonest, minimal self-disclosure, reactive, retreats into silence, acts from fears of conflict and rejection.

Purpose of Aggressive Behavior
To win, dominate and control.
Purpose of Assertive Behavior
To have a win-win and openness.
Purpose of Passive Behavior
To avoid conflict and please people.

How does the sender feel about him or herself during and after the interaction?
Aggressive Sender
Superior, relieved, arrogant, perhaps aftermath guilt for behaving disrespectfully.
Assertive Sender
Confident, self-respecting, emphatic now and later for behaving respectfully.
Passive Sender
Anxious, inferior, incompetent, taken for granted, compromising, controlled, disrespected.

What are the general perceptions of someone who demonstrates the behavior?
Of an Aggressive Person
An angry, controlling, perhaps a spiteful, mean- spirited person with low self-esteem.
Of an Assertive Person
A trusting, caring, respected person with a healthy self-esteem.
Of a Passive Person
A person who doesn't speak up and will let people walk all over them, a doormat with low self- esteem.

Self-development Questions:
If I am Aggressive
Why am I so afraid and insecure of not being in control and not being right that I end up hurting and pushing everyone away?
If I am Assertive
Aren't I happy being true to myself and compassionate for others?
If I am Passive
Why am I so afraid of rejection that I can't ask for what I honestly want and need?

Passive and aggressive people tend to hold irrational beliefs in that work and life challenges will go away if they avoid dealing with them or if they blast someone, they can get an immediate quick fix. This is short-term thinking and long-term thinking is necessary if you want to improve your working and personal performances and relationships. Becoming assertive is a long-term process of developing skills, self-respect and the respect of others. When you act with respect for yourself and others, respect and a richer life will come your way.

To your assertiveness and respect for all,

Nancy