In This Issue:

Enjoy!

Berit Lees, Editor

 

Expectations
By Dr. Alexander R. Lees

After a short time in private practice, I thought it would be interesting to begin to categorize the various problems people came to me, seeking help.  At that time, I was seeing six and sometimes seven people a day, and the issues presented were as varied as the people presenting them.  After some time had passed, I decided to sit down and review my efforts. Without a doubt, the number one category of issues belonged to expectations, and it was far, far ahead of anything else.

The subject matter could have been marital discord, child raising, fear of success, family relationships, lack of money, etc.  Whatever the subject matter, more often than not, the core issue boiled down to the person's expectations.  Let's take a look at how it works.

We begin to plan, dream or discuss some hope or desire. Alternatively, we are thinking about the future, and how we want it to be.  As time goes by, the reality of what is begins to make itself known. Our brains then begin to compare our plan, or expectation, with what is actually occurring - the reality out there.

The amount of differences between what we hoped for - expected - and  the actual reality, is the source of our stress.  Put another way, because it is so important to grasp - we wanted or expected one thing - after all, we planned for it - and now we are in the process of realizing, from the feedback through our senses, that what we wanted or expected, and what we got, are two different things. This can lead to depression, self doubt, anger, disillusion, sadness, or just plain giving up. Taken to its extreme, we can then seek a cause and God gets blamed, or we came from the wrong gene pool, or there's a conspiracy, usually involving magical beings or a higher power, or a secretive group, and so on and so forth.

But, where did it all start?  With expectations.  

Realizing the crux of the problem can go a long way to begin to deal with the difference (the expectation and the reality) more resourcefully.

Another useful insight is to accept we have 'two brains' that like to compete for dominance; the intellect, or thinking brain, and the older, more primitive emotional brain. There are perhaps  as many as 200 'telephone lines' running from the emotive brain to the intellect, or CEO, and they are all one way communication.  On the other hand, we have far, far less lines capable of communicating the other way.

Generally speaking, information is fed to our presidential office about the world outside our heads via the five senses, but once in a while, information comes in that excites the amygdala - the control center for fight or flight (survival). When this happens, all the circuits light up, and the main office is literally flooded with messages.  Namely, "The sky is falling!" Naturally, the 'control' circuits then kick in, and we tell ourselves to calm down, but the amount of data flowing in completely over-powers these control circuits, and now the emotional brain has control.

It is useful to remember the emotional brain contains, at best, a most primitive logical process and these set of tools belongs to the thinking brain.  Therefore the emotional brain is much, much more reactive than proactive, and it's now running the show.

For some, out of control, irrational  movies begin to run, and they become the captive audience. For others, the internal dialogue begins booming messages of gloom and doom along with a litany of previous failures.

The idea, then, is to first place the thinking brain back in charge, and this shift in power is greatly aided by the use of a variety of techniques (next month, we'll explore some of the tried and true techniques). Once, that is accomplished, we can think again, and both options and alternatives, can be explored.

Another point to know is that all motivational strategies boil down to two categories:

·    move towards, or

·    move away from

There is nothing inherently right or wrong about using either (as it depends upon context) and which one would be considered more useful, or not.

Most insurance sales derive from an applied moving away from form of presentation. "Sir, you wouldn't want to leave your family destitute, would you?" would be but one example of using a fear of something to motivate the person into buying a policy.  We usually move away from fear.

For Berit and I, leaving Spain was not a move away from strategy.  We were moving towards what we felt would be a better place for us.  Also, facing major changes caused by a change in culture (being in Mexico) was best embraced with a moving towards approach, and so far, this choice has served us well.

At the same time, should the house suddenly begin to fill with water from the torrential rains that occasionally visit upon us, we might be motivated by a move away from strategy to save our lives.  One can usually determine a move away from strategy is being used when they hear someone yell, " Let's get the heck outa here!!"

In reality, most people probably operate from a mixture of the two in their lives.  Being aware of these two classifications allows one to be more selective, thus enhancing their adaption  to any given situation more easily.

Berit and I have long been advocates of the move towards strategy.  When we first moved to Spain (in the middle 90s for two years) we were going to a new and different life, one that embraced those aspects and qualities we wanted. If we didn't find it in one area, we moved to another, with the same goal in mind, and continued that process until we found it, some several kilometers into the mountains in an semi abandoned village, overlooking the blue/green Mediterranean in the distance below.  We felt we had found our little piece of paradise and proceeded to have a wonderful time.

Last year, we once again moved to Spain, this time with a desire to both re-establish the fulfillment of certain requirements, and add some new ones into the bargain. When we didn't find it there, we adjusted our expectational map to what was.  After some research, we again moved, this time to Mexico, which more closely matched our desired outcome, which is yet another aspect of a useful strategy.

Outcomes

When you find yourself in an argument with someone else, as an example, go inside and ask yourself,  "What is my outcome? What do I want to accomplish?"

Learning to constantly recheck your outcome, as opposed to your reasons or plans, goes a long way to aligning plans, expectations, and desires into a more coherent pattern of behaviours.  This will more easily get you what you want, or offer the resources to make appropriate adjustments.  All this leads to a calmer, more relaxed and confident state of mind,  which in turn is an ideal state from which to make plans.

Berit and I were sitting at an outdoor cafe a few days ago, enjoying breakfast - a delightfully prepared omelet, fresh squeezed mango juice and coffee - when we happened to overhear snippets of a conversation at the next table.

"You know, when my friends were convincing me to come and try living here at Lake Chapala, they mentioned the rainy season," one fellow was lamenting.  "They told me the rains began either at night, or sometimes late afternoon.  By morning, everything would be dry and fresh.

It's been storming down almost every day now, and even the skies are gray."

"Well," said his companion, "the world's weather has changed, even here in Chapala."

"But this is not what I expected," the first fellow replied.

The second fellow simply responded with half a smile and said, "Well, it is what it is."

So...

 ·    Accepting what is,

 ·    then deciding what outcome you desire,

 ·    by doing whatever it is you're going to do, is the beginning of getting you back into the flow.  

With that comes harmony, peace and moving towards what you do want.

Some ancients believed in a concept, and even built statues to represent it.  Both consisted of three parts.  The modern translation is that the conscious mind 'asks' the subconscious for something, and it is the subconscious mind's job to translate the request in to a form the supermind (the all conscious) can understand.

When each step in the process is done correctly, an opportunity is then manifested for the purpose of fulfilling the desire or request - like manna from heaven!

Mayan Pyramid in Chichen Itza 

A Mayan Poem

The day sets out in the east, and starts walking.  

 The day is on a journey.  We are woven into that day,

 though we are not inventing it.

Contributing Columnist Susan Stone is a licensed acupuncturist, certified in Eden Energy Medicine and Eden Energy Medicine for Women. In addition she is a Registered Bach Flower practitioner, an Acutonics practitioner, with a BS degree in Nutrition and Dietetics, and has been in private practice since 1977. Susan's other interests include a passion for dressage, mountain climbing, and life. Contact Susan at her clinic in the Boston, MA area. www.stonehealthcenter.com

What Happened?
By Susan Stone

A woman came into my office the other night, who was suffering from vertigo.  She has suffered intermittently from vertigo, but this time it has not gone away.  What happened to make her acquire this condition?

Another person comes in to see me, a gentleman with frozen shoulder.  All of a sudden, this condition appears.  What has happened to all of a sudden have this debilitating problem?

Another woman comes to see me who has been suffering from digestive issues since college and can't seem to get better.  What happened?

What I am asking and what I'm proposing, is that there is a misunderstanding in our comprehension of our well-being.  There is a huge gap between health and vitality and the point where you're at the doctor's office and your blood work doesn't look so good and your body just isn't functioning the way it should be. Sometimes it seems like one day you feel okay and the next day you don't. What happened?

In the above situations, there are similarities between each of these three people. The truth is that they all stopped paying attention to valuable information.  

Our awareness of our own lives and how we perceive our physical well-being is a key to vitality.  I believe that we frequently overlook the subtle cues that our body's give us on a moment by moment basis that give us important information about our state of health.  

I'd like you to ask yourself the following questions:

How often to you push yourself to keep on working even when you'd like to stop?

How often do you eat food and you feeling lousy after-wards, but you say to yourself, "I'll just have a little and I'll be 'better' tomorrow?"

How often do you wake up revitalized and raring to go in the morning?

How often do you sleep through the night?

How often do you ignore the "Gee I'm tired, but I'll do one more thing" and next thing you know it's midnight and you've got a second wind?

How often do you sit down to try to read something and after reading a paragraph you can't remember what you just read?

How often do you try to type and even though you're quite good at it, you just can't seem to make your fingers work correctly?

Does going for a walk make you tired?

Do you frequently feel frustrated, irritated, or overwhelmed?

If you've answered "yes" to some of the above questions, then you're ignoring your body's cues that you need help.  If you ignore those cues long enough then chances are you're not going to be at your optimum health.  

So what can you do about it?  

The first step is to listen to your body.  The second step is to be proactive at doing the Eden Energy Medicine 5 minute routine. What separates EEM from other holistic modalities is that it empowers you to take care of yourself and the effects are cumulative!   Just doing this routine once or better yet a few times per day will enhance your well-being!  

What happened to each of the people I mentioned above?  Each one of them started doing their Energy Medicine exercises and immediately started feeling better.  Don't wait to begin feeling better.  Listen to your body.  Stay healthy!  

It's a lot easier staying healthy than to make a comeback from a degenerative disease and you'll enjoy life a lot more!

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Store in the plaza in Ajijic

 

Judy with Ty, in front of Diane's boutique - Ajijic 

Berit's Corner
 

I'm also going to take a stab at Susan's suggestion and try to answer how we go about embracing change, reflecting on our life, and then moving forward to create it.  Of course, my story will be different than Alex's. :-)

How did Alex and I get to where we are today?  Interesting question.  Do I mean the fact that we are currently in Mexico?  Or, that Alex and I have been together for 35 years?  Or, that we have overcome, survived and thrived to have a very good life?  The quick answer is, "I don't have a clue."  A more thoughtful response might be that we've worked and played to the best of our ability and feel fortunate to be doing that with each other.

Our outcome is to have whatever experience we're having, be the best it can be for both of us.  I'd love to say that it works out 100% of the time, but I'd be lying.  The reality is that sometimes crap happens.  When Alex was diagnosed with throat cancer I can honestly say that I did not have any thoughts like, "Oh my God.  What do we do now?"  Or, "That's it, our life, as we know it, is over."

What I did think was, "OK, what's the best way to deal with this, and where do we start?"  Then I got organized.  I was totally focussed on an outcome - Alex would get through this the best way we knew how, and he would be well.  I had no idea what we would have to go through, how we would go about it, or how we'd end up.  But, we'd just do what we've always done - take each day as it comes.

I actually feel very fortunate to have the attitudes, beliefs and perceptions I have.  Without them, I would probably collapse into a quivering mass of tears and be useless when life throws me a curve ball.  Instead, I seem to have the ability to focus like a laser beam on what needs to be done, and do it.  

Does this mean I embrace change?   Yes, I do!  Change to me, means new and exciting experiences, even when an experience seems to be a disaster, and we've had a few of those!  But, there's usually a lesson to be learned, or at the very least, a good story to be told about it.  So, my attitude helps me a great deal.

My beliefs are also helpful and useful to me.  I believe that events and experiences will be enjoyable, and for the most part they are.  I also believe that we play a part in the creation of those events and experiences.  Therefore our creations hopefully are what we want and enjoy.

The older I get, the more picky I've become at weeding out experiences that might not be pleasurable.  My experiences in life have taught me which ones to embrace and which ones to avoid... most of the time.  I still make goofs and end up in the odd situation asking myself, "What am I doing here?  This is not what I want to be doing."  Thankfully I've learned a polite way to extradite myself and go home.  Home has always been my sanctuary.

As for my perceptions - I perceive the world to be a good place, even though it sometimes seems to be completely out of control and a bit insane - like right now!  But, I refuse to think we're going to hell in a hand basket, and feel that we'll all muddle through the best we can.  That's all we can do, and it's also the best we can do.

I've met a great many people over the years,  many of them walking through the door in to our offices.  Many were unhappy and many had very sad stories to tell.  Some of the people had sad stories and were not unhappy.  They just needed some guidance to get through a rough time.  These people got happy again (or happier) faster than the first group, and got on with their lives more quickly.  What made the difference?

I think it's the way they thought about life, felt about life and saw their life.  Maybe I'm being simplistic, but the age old question:  Do you see the glass half full, or half empty? is a an apt question.  If your life is not ticking along the way you would like, take some time to examine how you feel about the people in your life, the places you go, the things you do and how you do them.  Then ask yourself:  What do I want to change, what can I change and how can I change it?

Become aware of what you're thinking and feeling and how that impacts your daily life.  There is no law that says you have to do, what you've always done, the same way.  Be brave and try something new, even if it's scary.  Who knows, the change may be good, or even great.  Once you've had some success, continue with your new awareness and before you know it, you'll be leading a different life.

And, if you don't like that one, make some more changes.

That's basically what Alex and I have done.  At various times in our life together, we've taken a long look at what we're doing.  Realized it wasn't working the way we wanted it to, and made a change.  Most worked out very well, and some didn't.  Going to Spain this last time is a good example.

Some might say we didn't stay long enough, or we didn't try hard enough, or whatever.  The important thing for us is that we followed our tried and true procedure.

·    First, we became aware of what we were feeling - not happy here in Spain.

 ·    Secondly, we started to explore what we weren't happy with - the weather was a huge issue!

 ·    Thirdly, we researched locations that had better weather.

 ·    Fourthly, we then thoroughly discussed our options.  Believe me, the last thing we wanted to do was move again!  

 ·    Then, exploring our options and tuning into what, exactly, we wanted, helped us to reach a decision.

 ·    Lastly, we decided to go to Mexico.

The weather here is certainly better!  On many different levels, being here just feels right.  Mexico has its fair share of problems, but we're enjoying our life here - warts and all.  We are still in the process of creating our new life here and feel very fortunate to be doing so.

Alex and I aren't special in what we're doing.  Quite the contrary.  We're just two people that take on whatever life throws at us and generally speaking, have a good time living it!  Anyone can do the same.  Whether you stay in the town or city you were born in, or travel the world, life is really what you make of it - the good with the not so good.  In my opinion, it's how you live it that matters!

Clouds are moving in and it looks like a storm is brewing.  Time for a short siesta and then a doggie walk before dinner.  Life is good.

Till next month,

Take care.

P.S.  Last month I mentioned I would write about the Minxes of Mexico.  So much interesting and exciting stuff is happening with our group, that I want to save the whole story until next month.  Stay tuned.

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View from Vita Bella Restaurant at Monte Coxala... THE
best pizza we've ever had!


Angel painting on wall of house in Ajijic