Greetings!

  

If there is one thing in this world that could stifle inspiration and ruin relationships, it is judgment. Judgment comes in many different packages and can disguise itself as help, care and even love. But make no mistake about it. It is none of those things. If we were able to recognize when we did it, corral it and put it away, everyone would be better off. We would suspend our need to compartmentalize people into acceptable boxes and let them be who they need or choose to be. I think it is time to consider how liberating it would be to suspend judgment and live with the complexity, diversity and imperfection that humanity demands. 

 

Karen 

 
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Quote of the Month:

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment."

 Ralph Marston
Judgment
  
GavelThis topic is a tough one. It is tough because it is not about looking at others. It is about looking deep inside. When in judgment it is all about how we feel. While it may feel like someone else is doing something to us, the reality is that when we judge, we own the behavior because it is our decision to judge or not.

 

Whether we are judging others or judging ourselves, at the core, it is about us. Judgment is an attempt to right things, to regain our power and put things on a path where we can manage, influence, control or manipulate them.

 

When we judge, we are saying that someone is doing something wrong. When we use 'wrong' as the evaluation point, there is nowhere to go but down. When we apply our standards and beliefs to someone else, we are actually saying we know what is best for them. How could that be possible? How can we possibly know another person so completely that we understand all the components of their thoughts, experiences, wants, needs, desires and their calling to say, we know best? How can our way, be the way time after time, after time. Everyone has their own path, when we judge we are standing in someone's path, blocking their way.  

 

When we judge, we are looking at others through our 'right' screen making it impossible for them to meet our standards. They will always be wrong about something. When we apply our impossibly high standards to others, we inflict that perfection on ourselves too. We create a world where everyone is constantly failing. There is no happiness in that world. It is our discomfort with others actions, decisions and choices that makes us go down the judgment path. It is that discomfort that makes us lash out or make an attempt to correct the situation. In judgment we try to 'fix' someone or have them see or do something in a manner that is comfortable for us. We are trying to regain our footing.  It is in this state of constant disappointment that we alienate others and more and more, you find yourself alone asking why is everyone failing me?  After all I have done for...I am only doing the right thing...or offering unsolicited 'advice' for someone's own good.  Chances are, we are all probably guilty of this.  It is hard to step aside and let someone be and own the outcome.

 

It is time to flip the switch. If we acknowledge our judgment and challenge it, it creates the opportunity to learn and grow. If we take one step in suspending our need to 'know' for others, it gives them the opportunity to step into their calling. If we let go of the language of judgment (why didn't you...you don't really want to...what I would have done) and insert the language of possibility (what have you tried so far that has worked...that showed courage...what do you think is best for you), it creates the space for moving forward without the need for imposed perfection. It gives you the opportunity to gain a new perspective.  They own the action and the outcome. That is empowerment. That is love.

Share your opinions of the articles and information shared in the eZine.   Let me know if there are particular topics you are interested in seeing in the eZine. Share the eZine with others.  Select the 'contact Karen' link to let me know what is on your mind. 
Sincerely,
 

Karen Senteio
VERVE, Life Reinvention Coaching Services 
 Live Your Best Life for the Rest of Your Life
 

 

VERVE is produced and written by Karen Senteio. If you have any questions or comments, or for reprint permission of this newsletter, please email: uncover.your.verve@snet.net.   2011 Verve, L.L.C. All rights reserved.
 

 

Karen Senteio
VERVE Life Reinvention Coaching Services
(860)594-8598