PCA Response by Will Jackson, PCA Trainer, Atlanta
Your situation presents a classic example of a coaching frustration wrapped around a grand chance to help a youngster learn some important lessons. Your player's outspoken criticisms and suggestions haven't fallen far from his parental tree; he's simply emulating the behaviors he's seen from his father.
So where to start? It's great that the boy hustles and puts effort into your work with him. He likes the game and wants to improve. Build on those traits and continually reinforce what you want to see.
There are even some positives in his clumsy suggestions to you: he clearly is interested in the game, in improving his team and the roles of his teammates. He just hasn't learned yet how to see things through bigger lenses or how to express his difference of opinion in appropriate ways. Learning these life lessons now may greatly help him in future relationships. It may actually be better that he voices his dissenting views to you now, rather than griping behind your back or spreading dissension within your team.
Speak with him privately about the right ways to disagree. If he wants to talk strategy with you later, be willing to talk things over with him one-on-one. But he should also know that you won't allow conversations that criticize other teammates.
A 14-year old is old enough to enlarge his perspectives; in learning to respect how your role and his are not the same, he must recognize that you have a responsibility to see and care about every player on your team and that public questioning of coaching decisions will not be allowed because it detracts from team goals. Be ready to intervene immediately if inappropriate behaviors show up.
What about Father? Speak with him privately to suggest he keep his coaching criticism to himself and avoid putting his son in an untenable conflict of confidence between father and coach. Dad can speak with you privately if he has concerns about his boy's attitude or psyche, but you are clearly the person responsible for decisions on playing time, lineups and strategy. If Pop really wants to coach, he can sign up for next season.
One last point worth noting: a welcoming, informative, but emphatic pre-season meeting with your players' parents can do worlds of good to establish expectations and shape the cooperative teamwork you want. You can download PCA's sample agenda for such meetings here.
(PCA Trainer Will Jackson played football for Davidson College and taught psychology and coached football, baseball, wrestling, track and basketball in Atlanta-area high schools until his retirement. Most prominently, he served as head football coach and Athletic Director at Dunwoody HS (near Atlanta) and at Wesleyan School in Norcross. In retirement, he still assistant coaches varsity football at Wesleyan.)
