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Positive Coaching Alliance Connector
January 4, 2011
 
David Jacobson, Editor

In This Issue:
What Is Your New Year's Resolution?
Coaching Tip: How to Teach ROOTS
Ask PCA: Should I Make My Child Play?
Jim Thompson on Andrew Luck
What Is Your New Year's Resolution?

 

Share your coaching or sports-parenting New Year's resolution on PCA's Youth Sports Spotlight blog, and you may win an autographed copy of a book by PCA Founder and Executive Director Jim Thompson. Our favorite coaching resolution will earn The Power of Double-Goal Coaching, and our favorite sports-parenting resolution will win Positive Sports Parenting.

 

Entries will be judged on creativity and applicability to Double-Goal Coaching or Second-Goal Parenting. To be eligible, blog comments must be entered by noon on Monday, January 10.

 

Click here to leave your resolution on the blog.

 



Coaching Tip: How to Teach ROOTS  

ROOTS_RS_Screen

One of the most memorable parts of PCA training is ROOTS, the acronym for respecting Rules, Opponents, Officials Teammates and Self. Teaching youth athletes ROOTS is an impactful way to help them Honor the Game.

 

Click the video screen above to see PCA Trainer Molly Hellerman explain ROOTS to a soccer team as part of the Liberty Mutual Responsible Sports Program Powered by Positive Coaching Alliance.

 

Ask PCA: Should I Make My Child Play?

Thanks for your answers to our most recent "Ask PCA" question about an athlete who lost his starting position to a new teammate, who had transferred under questionable circumstances. To review that question and PCA's answer, you can continue scrolling through this item, but for now, consider this week's question:

Should I Make My Child Play?

 

"My son is a sophomore who hoped to make the varsity baseball team, but was kept on the JV so he could be their top starting pitcher and fully develop into a varsity-caliber starter. My son is so disappointed that he does not want to play at all this coming season. Should I make him play?"
-- Name Withheld
    
 
 
Following is the previous "Ask PCA" question and PCA's response:

"My son started at point guard on his high school basketball team last season and led the team to a .500 record. This season, he is playing behind a phenomenally talented kid, who transferred to the school under questionable circumstances. This team has a chance to win state, and my son knows that would be a great experience, but between lack of playing time and ethical concerns, my son is considering quitting the team. How do you suggest I advise my son?"

 
PCA Response by Jim Thompson

Encourage your son to let the rumors about unethical behavior go (and you let them go also).  The new teammate either transferred legally -- in which case this isn't an issue -- or he didn't, in which case it's still not your or your son's responsibility to address, unless either of you has some definitive proof of wrongdoing. Neither of you can control this situation, so according to good sport psychology, focus on what you can control and ignore the rest.

As a parent, I encourage you to let your son make this decision but only after you are sure he has considered all important aspects of it.  Converse with him, possibly helping him make a list of pluses and minuses for quitting/sticking.  Make sure he is aware of the following:

  • Basketball is a team game, and getting a talented new player can elevate the play of the entire team, including your son's.
     
  •  If the transfer is very, very good, your son might not be able to compete with him, but still can contribute in other ways and help the team go a long way.
     
  • If the new player isn't as good as advertised, your son can compete with him for playing time, which will help both players -- and the team -- improve.
     
  • Your son may get court-time with the new player, which will be fun for your son, because a great point guard will get your son the ball in a situation where he can do something with it.
     
  • As Dr. David Carr mentions on our blog, the star might get injured. How will your son feel if that happens and he isn't on the team to step in and contribute?
     
  • In the long run, what will make your son a better person, quitting and focusing on something else valuable, or staying on the team and trying to make everyone on it better?

In any event, your son should talk with the coach about his role on the team. Just quitting without a conversation with the coach is not good form in almost every case.  He also may learn some things that will help his decision -- in either direction.

Unlike many people, I don't believe it is always bad to quit.  Everything we do has opportunity costs -- the other things you can't do because of where you choose to focus your effort.

 

If it really is a downer for your son to play ball this year, encourage him to leave for something else rather than just leave.  What will he do with his time that will enrich his life and the school community if he doesn't play ball?  That is a question worth pondering, not just this year but every year of all of our lives. 

 


Ask PCA your youth sports coaching and sports parenting questions, at
[email protected]

The Luck of Having a Second-Goal Parent
by Jim Thompson

Jim_Thompson_250pxLast night's Orange Bowl victory was a high point for Stanford University's football team, and not just on the field. From pre-game coverage to the post-game press conference, it was clear that Stanford Quarterback Andrew Luck benefited from great sports parenting.

  

His father, University of West Virginia Athletic Director Oliver Luck, was also a quarterback who played five years in the NFL. This could have been another disastrous over-involved parent story, but for this: "Quarterback is a tough position, and if you're really excellent you can't be motivated by your dad, your mom or your girlfriend," Oliver said in The San Jose Mercury News.  "It has to come from within.  The more hands-off approach you take, the more you allow that internal spirit to grow."

 

In the same article, Stanford Coach Jim Harbaugh noted about Andrew's dad as a sports parent: "He let him play soccer, play basketball, be a natural athlete.  The majority of high school coaches over-supervise -- most dads do it, too.  You have to let them be athletes."

 

PCA's Double-Goal Coachmodel makes winning the first goal and teaching life lessons the second, more important goal.  We encourage parents to be Second-Goal ParentsTM: leave the scoreboard action to players and coaches and focus on the more important goal of helping your child absorb the lessons that will lead to success in life.

 

In the post-game press conference Andrew was asked about his upcoming decision regarding where he plays football next year.  Andrew is thought to be the first pick in the NFL draft if he leaves Stanford early.  His answer about consulting with his parents reiterated the point at which Oliver and his wife Kathy's hands-off policy ends.  "That's different," Oliver had told the Mercury News.  "It goes beyond whether he comes out this year or next year.  That's a lifestyle decision, and we will play an active role."

 

That's big picture stuff and that's where parents can play a crucial role. When my son Gabriel was a child, I would say to him when I needed him to listen, "I need to be your dad right now."  I did so sparingly because I know in my bones where advice is concerned that less is more.  And I still find myself doing it once every year or two now that he is grown with a family.

 

So I loved hearing how Oliver gives advice: "Andrew, I'm going to say one thing and then shut up."  Which he did and to which Andrew always said, "Thanks, Dad."

 

If only every sports dad could be as second-goal focused as Andrew Luck's dad!  He has the big picture in mind and it's not about a football game.  Let's give Oliver Luck, exemplary Second-Goal Parent, the last word: "I decided early on that it was more important to be a dad than a coach."

 

To see two class acts in Coach Harbaugh and Andrew Luck, check out their post-Orange Bowl press conference here.

 

To share your thoughts with Jim on this article, leave a comment on his blog, Life Lessons from the Playing Field.

 


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