Positive Coaching Alliance Connector

Wow, what a down-the-middle split on last week's question about awarding stickers! And what a great bunch of thoughtful comments and ideas on using stickers to sing the unsung and reward youth athletes for learning life lessons.

This week's question stems from an interesting reader response to last week's article by Jim Thompson. Beneath Jim's explanation is a link that lets you comment on the "Ask PCA" blog, and beneath that, PCA's answer to last week's question.

Reader Pushback Leads to a Learning Moment

I love careful readers, especially ones who push back at something I've said, because it often leads to a learning moment. Last week, writing about Smith Center (KS) football coach Roger Barta in my "New Year's Resolutions for Double-Goal Coaches," I approved of demoralizing opponents to try to get them to quit early.

David Donnellan, Director of the Mt. Lebanon Recreation Department in Pittsburgh, PA, challenged me on this: "Is this really what PCA wants Double-Goal Coaches to emulate? I am all for 'relentless toughness,' but are we respecting our opponents if our goal is to demoralize them?"

I called David and we had a great conversation. He said he is trying to promote PCA ideas in his program and he often circulates PCA Connector to his coaches. He chose not to share my article about Barta because coaches reading my remarks might have felt validated in sticking to some tendencies that David would rather curb.

Talking with David, I realized that I do not even agree with what I wrote.

Running a baseball program years ago, I had a manager who coached third base while yelling out things like, "Have a good eye, this guy hasn't thrown a strike yet."

When I confronted him his defense was that he was "only encouraging" his players. But he really was waging psychological warfare with the opposing team's pitcher. He was trying to demoralize a 10-year-old. I didn't like it then, so why did I approve of it last week?

I think part of it is the delicate balance between the two goals of Double-Goal Coaching. Learning to compete well is an important life lesson. Developing "relentless toughness" is a good thing. And perhaps I am too sensitive to charges that Positive Coaching is soft, when there is nothing tougher than sticking to your principles under pressure.

Double-Goal Coaches shouldn't be in the business of breaking the spirit of opposing players. As I told that Little League manager years ago, these kids are only temporarily opponents. They are permanently part of our community, and we should want them to become successful adults as much as members of our own team.

So, yes, try to disrupt the game plans of opponents. Play fierce and friendly and try to win. But don't do it by trying to demoralize young people or break their spirits. Double-Goal Coaches keep the bigger picture in mind, that all the kids playing sports are "our" kids and we want every one of them to succeed in life if not on the scoreboard of this particular competition.

-- Jim Thompson, Founder and Executive Director

Click here to comment on this topic on the "Ask PCA" blog.

Now, here is last week's Ask PCA question and PCA's response by Eric Eisendrath, Lead Trainer-New York

Awarding Stickers to Players

A fellow parent in our youth hockey league recently e-mailed the board asking that coaches cease awarding stickers to selected players after each game. What does PCA and your audience think of the following excerpt from that parent's e-mail?

--Thomas Rauker, Nashoba (MA) Youth Hockey League

Prior to the implementation of the sticker program by my son's coach, my son would very rarely mention anything about the game of hockey while we would be driving to the rink. I always found it comforting knowing that he was not dwelling in any way about playing in the game.

With the sticker program in place now my son continually asks me how he might be able to get a sticker for the day. When driving home he now wants to discuss what he "did wrong" in the game that caused him not to get a sticker.

I have seen this sticker program used in the past and was very discouraged to watch kids proudly show their stickers to their parents as they entered the locker room while those that the coach deemed unworthy held their heads low. I don't think kids should be proud that the efforts were validated by the coach and I don't think the other children should be ashamed of their performance either. I am aware that this is not the intention of the sticker program but is the unfortunate result of it.

I strongly believe that a volunteer town league, youth hockey coach should not put him or herself in a position to publicly judge or validate the athletic performance of a seven year old by evaluating their worthiness of a sticker for the day. I implore you to please end this practice.
Thank you for your prompt consideration of this matter,
Parent Name deleted

PCA response by Eric Eisendrath, Lead Trainer-New York

I am surprised by the e-mail's disdain for the awarding of stickers. Such phrases as "coach deemed unworthy ....children should be ashamed of their performance" lead me to believe there is a disconnect between the coach's purpose and the conclusion reached by the parent who wrote the e-mail.

In PCA workshops, stickers fall under the concept called "Targeted Symbolic Rewards," in which positive reinforcement supports a culture that celebrates effort and other intangibles that often go unnoticed and underappreciated. It is important that the coach convey the philosophy behind this practice, either during the parent meeting or in a parent/guardian letter. It is equally important that parents convey to their children the intended purpose of awarding stickers and work with the organization and coach to remind players that the absence of a sticker is not a sign of failure.

There seems to be a bit of "throwing out the baby with the bath water" reaction by the parent whose e-mail you forwarded to PCA. Hopefully, a clearer explanation and understanding of the practice will enable your organization to continue using stickers to recognize and support qualities accessible to athletes of all skill levels.

To read all responses to the previous "Ask PCA" question -- "Awarding Stickers to Players" -- click here.

Ask PCA your youth sports coaching and sports parenting questions, at AskPCA@positivecoach.org.