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Positive Coaching Alliance Connector
November 12, 2009

In This Issue:
"Positivity Reconsidered" by Jim Thompson
Fall 2009 Issue of Momentum Available
Three Shots at High School Sports: Excerpt From "The High School Sports Parent"
Nominations Due Nov. 30 for PCA's Double-Goal Coach Awards Presented by Liberty Mutual
Ask PCA: Player's Temper Tantrums
Pony Tail Pulls: PCA National Advisory Board Member Julie Foudy Responds
One Warm Shirt: An Initiative by San Francisco 49ers COO Andy Dolich
"Positivity Reconsidered" by Jim Thompson

Jim_CanoeI recently returned from a family canoe trip in one of my favorite places in the world, the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in northern Minnesota. After paddling the length of three lakes and handling the first portage (a trail between lakes over which we carried our canoes and packs), we were away from buildings, motors, cell phones and e-mail for seven glorious days.
 
When I wasn't paddling, portaging, making fires, listening to loons, and helping my son tie "bear bags" high in trees where bears theoretically couldn't reach them, I devoured a wonderful biography -- Pistol by Mark Kriegel -- about Pete Maravich and his dad, Press.

One of the things that jumped out at me was how much negativity there was in college and professional coaching in Pistol Pete's time. The norm seemed to be to spew nastiness at players and assume that it would make them better against all the evidence.

Perhaps this was so striking to me because there were many opportunities for negativity in our canoe trip. Right out of the gate, Sandra got our entry date into the wilderness wrong so we spent the first night of our trip in the last unbooked hotel room in Ely, Minnesota rather than under the stars.

More seriously, early in the trip I misread the map and we ended up at 6 pm exhausted, circling a lake trying to find a campsite. With darkness coming, I eventually realized we were on the wrong lake, one that did not have a campsite! We were two portages away from the correct lake and not likely to be able to make it before dark.

What was remarkable about these episodes is the total lack of expressed negativity. None of our party of four -- which included our son, Gabriel, and his wife, Daniella -- expressed any upset-ness at these bone-headed moves. In our daily log of the trip, Gabriel wrote, "Jim (yes, he often calls me Jim) misread a map but created a memory."

Returning to civilization I was greeted by a spate of incidences of negativity --  a college football player taunting a vanquished opponent, the taunted player (from my alma mater, no less) punching the taunter, the top women's tennis player in the world threatening bodily violence to a line judge and the top men's player in the world going negative in defeat, to name just a few of the more prominent examples.

I thought a lot about the loss of composure by these elite athletes and how our "team" of canoeists dealt with setbacks. And it's not as if our screw-ups didn't have consequences. When you are bone tired and you don't know where you are going to sleep for the night in the middle of a wilderness with the darkness about to descend on you, there definitely is the temptation to go negative!

I thought about how poisonous negativity can be to a team or organization, yet how prevalent it is in our world of sports. The very name of our organization and movement -- Positive Coaching Alliance -- came from my observing the harmful effects of unrestrained negativity by coaches and parents on youth athletes. My experience working with troubled kids in the Behavioral Learning Center (BLC) in St. Paul was formative in my thinking about PCA.

BLC Principal Shirley Pearl and social worker Don Challman drilled into me the power of "relentless positivity" in transforming the behavior of these troubled kids. My exposure to Grace Pilon's "Workshop Way" method of welcoming rather than fearing mistakes as a normal and healthy part of the learning process further influenced me.

It seemed to me then that the test of a great leader is the ability, the discipline really, to stay positive in the face of adversity, even boneheaded mistakes by members of one's team.

Because so often what seems like an awful outcome can turn into something quite positive. I believe that Sandra, Gabriel, Daniella and
I will always remember fondly how we dealt with not having a campsite that night at the aptly named "Explorer Lake." What could have been a real downer turned into something memorable because everyone stayed positive.

By that measure many elite coaches fall down because they are not able to remain positive in the face of adversity. And while it could be argued that this characteristic may not be so important when working with elite athletes (although I deeply question this), youth are an entirely different matter.

Negativity poisons the atmosphere of a youth team, just as it poisons families, organizations, and individual relationships.
 
A coach who can remain positive with players through rain or shine will get more from them. A coach who can have hard conversations with kids while remaining positive and optimistic will be more likely to get them to change their behavior. A coach who establishes a positive team culture (culture being "the way we do things here") will be remembered by players long after they have moved on to other things.

It takes discipline to remain positive no matter what happens. It's not easy but it leads to a legacy I think every coach wants to create -- to be remembered as someone who made players better. And it begins with a commitment to being positive.
 
(This article appears in the Director's Corner column in the Fall 2009 issue of PCA's print newsletter, Momentum. For a PDF version of Momentum, click here.)
 
Fall 2009 Issue of Momentum Available

The Fall issue of Momentum, PCA's print newsletter, is now available for downloading.  This issue includes:
  • PCA is hopping in Houston

  • AYSO, Little League, Pop Warner and US Lacrosse adopt the Double-Goal Coach� model

  • Seth Davis reflects "On Youth Sports"

  • Summary of 2009 National Youth Sports Awards sponsored by Deloitte

  • Jim Collins to headline 2010 National Youth Sports Awards sponsored by Deloitte

  • PCA-Sacramento Board named

    And much more! 
    Download the issue by clicking here.
 
Three Shots at High School Sports: Excerpt From The High School Sports Parent

HSSP_200More and more people and organizations are buying into Second-Goal Parenting, where sports parents focus on the "Second-Goal" of a Double-Goal Coach, teaching life lessons through sports. The latest group to promote this philosophy is at www.CoachesNetwork.com.
 
This up-and-coming online social network -- "where coaches connect and parents engage" -- hosts an excerpt from The High School Sports Parent, the latest book by PCA Founder Jim Thompson. Click here to read about Jim's "three shots" at high school sports, what he learned and what you can learn from the experience.
 
Elsewhere within CoachesNetwork, we hope you will register, connect and engage with each other. The more you do, the more likely that together we can transform youth and high school sports.
 
 
Nominations Due Nov. 30 for PCA's Double-Goal Coach Awards Presented by Liberty Mutual 

Liberty_MutualBefore Thanksgiving is upon us, PCA and Liberty Mutual hope you will give thanks to the outstanding youth and high school sports coaches in your lives by nominating them for PCA's Double-Goal Coach Awards presented by Liberty Mutual. These prestigious awards honor men and women from all walks of life whose first goal is winning and whose second, more-important goal is teaching life lessons through sports.
 
Click here for our online nomination form so that you can honor the Double-Goal Coaches who make the greatest impact on your children and your community.
 
With support from Liberty Mutual, the global insurance company that partners with PCA on the Responsible Sports program, award winners will receive a $250 cash award, a trophy, and recognition on PCA's website and in Connector.
 
Award finalists will be notified in January, and winners -- chosen by a panel of college coaches -- will be announced in February.  
 
The Double-Goal Coach Awards presented by Liberty Mutual are part of PCA's National Youth Sports Awards Program sponsored by Deloitte.
 
 
Ask PCA: Player's Temper Tantrums

Before presenting this week's question, here is a review of last week's question and PCA's answer.
 
"I coach an 11-year-old travel team. Before the season, I told parents that players would not necessarily receive equal playing time the way they do in our house league. The parents say OK to my face or in e-mail, but mid-season, some parents are complaining about their children's playing time.
 
"One parent asked why his son sat out 2 of the 6 innings, while another player didn't sit out at all, and I explained the only player who did not sit out was the catcher because our other catcher was injured. One player's parents cause a scene, asking their son from behind the bench, 'Why are you sitting out again? If you're sitting out again, we're going home.' I don't have any problems with the kids. How do I deal with the parents?"
 
PCA Response by Joe Scally, Director of Training and Evaluation
 
When setting expectations with the team in your pre-season meeting, it's important to make sure that your criteria for playing time apply to everyone. It is easy for parents to smile and nod about limited playing time when they believe the rules do not apply to their children. Your written parent pledge (click here for PCA's sample) could include a section on playing time.
 
Nearing the end of an intense tournament game I was coaching a few years ago, I was talking to a player on the bench when her father approached and said, "If they don't want to play you we're going home."  He walked away, and before I could say anything further, his daughter followed.
 
She was a starter on a lower level team whom we had invited to play with us, but she was used to playing whole games. While she had been on the bench for about 15 minutes at the point when her father came over, she already had played about half of the game...as much time as most of our regular players.  I was about to send her back in and was telling her what to expect in the closing minutes.  She had played well in a game that was exciting and a lot of fun.
 
At the time I was angry with her father for acting inappropriately by coming to the bench to take his daughter away.  He gave her the wrong message by encouraging her to disrespect her coach and teammates.  He embarrassed her and soured a good experience. 
 
Your situation got me reflecting on how I could have better handled mine. Most importantly, in the course of elevating that player to our team, I could have taken more time to tell the dad why I asked his daughter to play and what to expect. I could have told him that this was an opportunity for his daughter to learn by practicing and playing with committed players of equal or greater talent.  That different coaches would give her some valuable new perspectives.  That on our team, everyone played significant minutes, but very few played the whole game.  That many factors determined playing time, including effort, attitude, skill, and the needs of the team, and that those criteria would apply to his daughter.  That we wanted to teach some life lessons along with soccer skills.  We coaches had told the player these things, and she understood, but we assumed incorrectly that her father also understood. 
 
I should also have told him that parents may not approach the bench during games.  That it's best to discuss matters with the coach at a scheduled time, in private, away from the field. That as a coach, I'm open to discussing any issues, but would prefer that players, not parents, raise issues about playing time, because a player learning how to ask a coach about playing time learns a great life lesson.  That a parent shouldn't put a child in the middle by openly criticizing the coach's decisions.  Some parents need to hear these messages over and over.  It's the coach's job to educate the parents for the benefit of the players.
 
Now, this week's question:
 
"My 12-year-old son plays baseball, football and basketball. His athletic ability is above average, but his emotional development is not. To put it bluntly, he has a bad temper. When he strikes out he throws the bat. When he walks a few batters he gets down on himself. If he gets sacked he spikes the ball and costs his team penalties. No amount of support can bring him out of these moods. I am looking for advice, including materials to read so we can work together through these episodes."
-- Tricia, Indiana
 
Ask PCA your youth sports coaching and sports parenting questions, at [email protected]
 
 
Ponytail Pulls: PCA National Advisory Board Member Julie Foudy Responds

Visit PCA's Youth Sports Spotlight blog for perspective on the best and worst that soccer had to offer last week: a high school team that donated cleats to opponents who needed them and a dirty and dangerous women's collegiate game.
 
Watch the video commentary by PCA National Advisory Board Member Julie Foudy and share your thoughts on our blog!
 
One Warm Shirt: An Initiative by San Francisco 49ers COO Andy Dolich

"Andy Dolich is one of the statesmen of professional sports.  In his leadership roles with the Oakland A's, the Memphis Grizzlies and now with the San Francisco 49ers, Andy has always gone beyond the norm to contribute to the larger community.  PCA is proud to join with Andy in this worthy effort."--Jim Thompson
 
Dear Sports Philanthropist, 
 
As we approach the holidays, the In-Box will fill up with requests asking us to give. Today's economy challenges all of us in allocating our philanthropy.

My ask is simple. I want the shirt off your back. "One Warm Coat" has been a hugely successful national program since 1992. Join me in creating a variation on a theme, which I'm calling "One Warm Shirt."

I am collecting as many sweatshirts as I can to donate to worthy community organizations in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Please send me what you have in the bottom of your it-doesn't-fit-me-anymore drawer, store room, or irregular pile. We can make the holidays a bit warmer for those who aren't as lucky as us.
 
Please deliver by November 20 to:

Andy Dolich
c/o Positive Coaching Alliance
1001 N. Rengstorff Ave., Suite 100
Mountain View, CA 94043
 
Thank you in advance for your generosity!
 
Support PCA

Positive Coaching Alliance is a non-profit committed to character-education though youth and high school sports. To achieve that mission, PCA relies heavily on financial support from members and donors.
 
Donate now and have twice the impact. 
Thanks to the generosity of two anonymous family foundations, all donations made between now and December 31, 2009 to PCA's Annual Fund will be matched dollar-for-dollar up to $100,000.  
 
 


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