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| Stephanie Pauline |
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| by Stephanie Pauline |
The Impossible
This week I was sitting in my living room
talking with
my dear friend, Jenny. As I spoke, I became
cognizant
that a check point moment had crept upon me and
would leave me forever changed. I had been
thinking
about the upcoming radio promotion, the 80
concerts
we are doing this year, 30% of those being in
drug
rehab and detention centers across the US,
and the
hundreds of thousands, and even millions now that
have
thus
far heard the music God has given to me. I was
saying,
"Just think,
last
year this time I was wondering how to make inroads in
radio at
all and now here we are. By the end of this year MtM
will
have reached
another
few million people through these songs and have
released all the Christian singles on
the Rush the Sea CD. Wow!"
Then the sound of my own voice
suddenly resounded in the
chambers of
my heart, echoing its importance off the
walls of my
soul. I heard myself say, "I will finally be able
to give a salute to my
God and say, 'I did what you asked of me.'"
Then I
made the motion with my hand and said an
emphatic, sincere, "Yes Sir!" Tears sprang to my
eyes. I was
overcome at the thought.
You know, I think what made the moment and the phrase that had escaped my lips, so very sacred to me was that I had never quite realized how deeply I had longed to be able to do that: to give that simple salute. Perhaps I had also not been fully aware of how scared I was that I would somehow let Him down, and not be able to accomplish this task He has laid before me. I was struck by the fact that to me it's truly not about numbers, or even the music, although I love the music. It is truly, simply, purely about my God. I want to obey Him and do what He's given me to do. It's not even about what He told me to do, it's just about the fact that He told me to do it, and so I must. That longing to do His will was birthed in me, from the inside out, as this God of mine believed in me when I believed in nothing. I am SO aware that all of this is the fruit of God's amazing faithfulness. God knows the me I was, and so do I - curled up in a ball at 18, too frozen to gather up my son and leave a man who beat me - too afraid to feel, too hurt to ask God all the why's I had burning in my heart, dying inside. God truly did what I couldn't. He loved when I hated, hoped when I despaired, and saved when I had given up. The glory of knowing that is in the fact that every bit of what has happened since is so clearly the result of the heart and deeds of this God who so loves me; who so loves us. God saw me then and He sees me now. Still so far from the me He will forge in me over time, but already so much more than I ever thought I could be. Well it seems my ramblings in this month's "From the Heart" are just a statement of thanksgiving. I do hope they also serve as a word of encouragement to you. What has God called you to? What is the task, the desire that is burning in your heart? Remember It's not about what He told you to do, it's just about the fact that He told you to do it. Maybe its a "little" thing, by the worlds standards, but to you its huge. From great big things to little everyday things, in truth, we can't do any of them with a pure heart without God's grace and empowering love. Don't worry about what other people will think. Don't judge it - do it. I once had a fellow rip me and my songs to shreds under the guise of professional expertise. When I had dried my eyes, and regrouped, I told my friends that I think this man had studied the art of the insult. Hear this - there will always be people who don't like what you do, or maybe even who you are. Perhaps you remind them of their cousin, Bessy, who beat them up as a child. Perhaps they slipped in the shower that day and then couldn't get their hair to part quite right. Who knows. The thing is - if you know, deeper than you fear, that you are made for something, one step at a time, one minute at a time, In Christ, you can move that mountain, whatever it is, no matter what "they" say. It's okay if God has called you to do the impossible. Our God is a God of the impossible! It's His way of proving Himself to us, and to the the world through us. Remember, He uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise! Let me, for one, be counted among those foolish things! It's not about what we can do. It's about what He is doing! God gave me these songs and He told me to deliver them. He told a single mom, x- druggy, high school drop out, to deliver these songs to the masses. I didn't know the first thing about how to accomplish the task He had set before me. Yet here I am now, and I am doing it. God has given, and is giving me, the grace, the ability, the supporters, the contacts, and the perseverance. If I can do this. If He can use someone like me?! Well then, you, my friend, can do that! God can and will work through you to accomplish what He has called you to do. Praise God with me! Dare to dream! Rush that Sea! In the words of a song I recently wrote, "He spoke to bones and they got up dancing. One word and heavens were hung. What we declare impossible - He says it can be done." So go ahead - do the impossible! Like I said already - just think - we have only just begun! :) |
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Bless you all! Thank you for taking the time
to catch up
with me and with More than Music. On behalf
of the
Board of Directors of this non-profit, may I
just tell YOU, "Thank you". Thank you for
letting us share God's heart
with you. Thank you for supporting this
ministry by
purchasing CDs and donating to this cause.
Thank
you for taking these songs and the message they
carry into your heart and sharing them in
your every
day, in the touch of your hand, and glint in
your eye.
May you live boldly and without fear. May
God reveal
Himself to you. May you find Him -
especially in the
impossible.
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Stephanie Pauline |
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