Greetings! 

 

Earlier this week, I went to see the film,  "The Best Exotic  Marigold Hotel" for the second time.   I went with a dear friend who only a few weeks ago lost her husband and I was happy to go for a second time.

If you haven't seen the film, it has a terrific cast (Judi Dench, Maggie Smith etc) and is a kind of bitter sweet story about older people who have fallen on hard times and end up in India.   It's funny, it's tender and it's wonderfully insightful.   And it's one of those insights I wanted to share with you in this newsletter.

At a point in the movie when the juvenile lead has almost given up on his dreams, Judi Dench says to him "You can do anything you want.   Stop waiting for someone to tell you, you deserve it."   Wow!   What a thought!  

How many of unintentionally avoid living life as we would like it because somewhere, back in our subconscious, we don't believe we deserve it?   How often do we avoid doing something because we want to please someone else or because we think we'll disappoint them or lose their love if we did it?    How often do we use these "excuses" as shields and put up barriers so we don't have to face what we're scared of doing but would love to do?   I know at times, I have certainly done that.   How about you?   Does this ring a bell with you?

I thought this was a wonderfully inspiring thought and I hope you'll like it too.   If you're holding off doing something that your heart tells you you want to do, here are a few thoughts on the subject that may help you:

1. What is it that you would love to do in life?  Think about what it is and what or who you believe is holding you back.   Then ask yourself, is this really what is holding me back or am I unwittingly using this as a barrier because I fear the consequences of actually doing it?   Do I truly believe I deserve to be happy and to be fulfilled?

2. As I have found in my coaching/psychotherapy practice, many of us hold false beliefs about our own abilities and worthiness.   Often we're not even aware of these beliefs until we start to dig deeper into why we feel and behave the way we do.   Often we wait for a crisis before we choose to examine what we believe and how that affects us and those around us?

3. Take a close look at what it is you want to do and try doing a SWOT analysis on it - a list of Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.   It's an old marketing technique but I find it works just as well with decision-making and helps clarify what you're actually taking on.

4. Life is not and never will be risk-free.   Sometimes we just have to take that first step forward into the unknown to get to where we want to go.   I remember a friend sharing with me the saying "A ship is safest in  port, but that's not what it's built to do".  Are you prepared to leave safe harbour to do what you came here to do and what you would love to do?   What would it take to make it happen?

5. If your 'dream' seems too big and overwhelming to handle, break it down into small steps, starting with the very first thing you would need to do to make it happen.   If you took one of these small steps every day, before you know it, you'd be on your way to achieving what you set out to do, yet the small steps seem so much less daunting than the overall 'big picture'.

6. If your 'dream' affects someone else, don't assume what they will think.   Discuss your wildest dreams with them and ask them to support and help you in achieving it.   One thing I've discovered is that even when I've taken steps which may have made someone else's life difficult for a while, if they have truly loved me for who I am, they STILL love me - sometimes because of rather than despite what I've done.

7. Whatever anyone else thinks, you are unique and only you have the exact same experience of life as you.  You have a limited time on this physical plain.  Only you can know what you need and want to achieve in this time.  What do you need to do for you?  What legacy do you want to leave?   What meaning do you want your life to have?

It takes courage to go for your dreams, but never let fear or a lack of confidence or worthiness hold you back.   You know in your heart what it is you need and want to do.   So trust your intuition and take the first small step today.

If you need any objective, compassionate and confidential help in achieving your dreams, you know where I am.   Remember "You can do anything.   Stop waiting for someone to tell you you deserve it."