Briefly, tell talkers you don't understand what they are saying, don't know what's going on, or don't know what they should do about their situations. Then get on with using other listening techniques.

     This may be difficult for you. Many of us have terrible trouble admitting we don't know something. But if we are willing to be ignorant, we can provide better listening help.

     It helps me do this when I remember that ignorance is temporary. It just means I don't know yet, and that's fixable. Stupid means we can't learn and that's serious and permanent. (I know the latter is not your problem or you wouldn't have read this far.)

     Admitting ignorance works as a listening technique because it invites the talker to educate you. Even talkers who are upset will want to help you understand what's going on and fill you in. Try saying: "I don't understand what you mean. Help me understand...?" Or, "Tell me that again, I didn't follow it...?" Or, "I just got here, and I don't know what happened...?"  * For more on admitting ignorance: check Chapter 19. Special Circumstance Listening Techniques - After a death.

     When we risk admitting our ignorance, it keeps us from talking before we know what's really going on and this allows bothered talkers to "tell us all about it. Try it, you'll like it.