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Greetings from Jim

     Thanksgiving is our favorite holiday because we're not pressed to buy things, but rather to consider what we appreciate in life. I've enjoyed C.S. Lewis's comment in "Reflections on the Psalms",that the ability to give praise is inner health made audible. Anyone can find cause to criticize an excellent meal, but only maturity finds something to praise in a modest one. So I encourage you to find things to appreciate and praise in your life and in those who matter to you. Then share it: most of us are appreciation-deprived. And not so incidentally, we appreciate your interest and your responses to what we've been sharing in our newsletter and in our books.
      Sally has good news to share about publishing her book and is including a couple of its delightful miniatures. I've added a listening skill tip we get a kick out of using frequently.
Greetings From Sally
Jim and Sally Portrait       Thanks to you who responded to last newsletter's miniature about 9-11. I especially appreciated those who said they would use it with their students or share it with their grandchildren.
      Jim and I hope you will forward these newsletters to anyone you think might be interested. Or send us friends' email addresses and we'll add them to the (free) subscription list.
      After much agonizing, I've settled on a book title for the short-short essays, or miniatures I'll have ready for holiday giving. It's Tea pie, Love & Reality: A Collection of Memoir Essays.  I'm excited to report that the cover art comes from Deborah DeWit, a well-known local artist. Her pastel is "Confidants," and reminds me of the comfortable conversations we have with friends, which is how I think of the book.
      It will soon be available both on our website and through Amazon. We'll keep you posted.
      Jim and I are just back from Kauai with its mild trade winds, autumn rains that last ten minutes, temperatures in the low eighties. Back home, yesterday, Oregon had a huge windstorm that brought down trees and whipped up winter waves at the coast enough to make Jim cancel a fishing trip to Tillamook Bay. Typical winter weather for us.
      It reminded me of the first miniature below. I hope the second one tickles your funny bone the way it did mine. Let me know how you react, [email protected].  
Selections from Tea Pie, Love & Reality
Sally at Desk Just like Hawaii

      Mother stood on the beach at Arch Cape, Oregon, looking straight out to the horizon in the way of flatlanders.
      She beamed with recognition. It's just like Hawaii!
      Her arm gestured toward the horizon.
      See! The water fades right into the sky...you can't tell where one stops and the other starts.
      Pause for effect.
      Only there, it's blue. Here it's all gray.

                                                       -Autumn, 1975
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The Expert

      How old are you today?
      She thrusts her right arm to full length, tucks her thumb under, fingers fanning out like a starfish.
      Four. There's a triumphant sound to this declaration. Later, she blows out four candles on the little pizza she made herself.
      Still later, spooning ice cream, she announces, I am expert.
      What are you expert in?
      A pause while her eyes squinch with an effort of thought. Then the smile.
     I am expert in whatever I see.

                                                                               -April, 2006
Listening Technique: I need a consultant, not a husband (or wife).
Jim in Nature       I have a special treat for you. This technique is not in the WHY book. Sally taught it to me. She found that when she walked into my office at home with an issue she needed help thinking through, I would quickly forget what I teach and leap to giving advice. This of course made me feel really smart and important, that is, for the short time before she got mad and considered not ever placing her problems in the hands of this rotten listener.
      I immediately jumped to giving advice because I could be the fixer guy. This is described in the guys' handbook for marriage based on ancient rituals of bagging game for the wife and kiddies and fighting off marauding wife-stealing enemy tribes. Guys know we are supposed to fix our gals' problems. Of course there is a parallel pressure for women, that is, being mothers who should fix problems for kids ─ of any age.
      Fortunately for us, she figured out a way to get me off the guy problem-solver-thing and into a useful mode of listening. For years now when she walks into my office, she asks, Is this a convenient time to talk? And when it is she says, I have an issue I want to talk over. I need a consultant not a husband.
      Whew, knocks me right off my advice pillar and gives me my marching orders. I know how to do that. I go for the Talker-Listener Card, listening techniques and help her sort out her issue. The TLC reminds me it is her problem. I'm to work at understanding and clarifying, no advice, no agreement or disagreement and especially no defending my turf. I don't try to solve her problem. She gets heard, sorts out her issues and I stay out of trouble. We both feel better.  
      I learned this too from a business consulting model. A poor consultant grabs the business' problem, comes up with a plan, writes a report and hands it over. They promptly pay for it and put it in a bottom drawer because it is not their solution.
      A quality consultant helps businesses sort out and define their problems and helps them come up with solutions that are theirs. Then they feel the confidence that comes from solving their problems and have the energy and ownership to put their solutions to work.
      Let me know how it works for you. [email protected].    

A New Bigger
Talker-Listener Card
 
So many people wanted
a larger card to go with
the Dinner Table Listening Game or for teaching/counseling use that we produced a 4x7-inch one. It's easier on the eyes than the business card fine print. You may want extras for your friends or a group. We're making both the Business and Large Card sizes the same price. You can mix or match the sizes. Send a check to 14815 SW 141st Ave. Portland OR 97224,
or order from the website: www.PetersenPublications.com.

 
10 for $4.95
25 for $9.95
100 for $24.95