Giving Love

Some say relationships are about give and take. Others say they are a 50-50 proposition. I think they are 100-100.

Each one of us is 100% responsible for our part of the relationship and giving our partner the love they need.

Cat and I present a wonderful couples weekend workshop "Getting the Love you Want", based on Imago RelationshipTheory developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. While the title is catchy, it is very misleading. Love is about "giving", not "getting".

This giving doesn't need to be huge, or cost a lot of money, in fact it is often the little acts of kindness or thoughtfulness that are the most heartfelt and touching and mean the most to our partner.

Smiling is a wonderful way to give to your partner. Let them know how happy you are to see them and have them in your life.

Initiate meaningful positive contact each day, especially during the "4 Critical Moments" : 1) when you first wake-up and see one another, 2) when you part for the day, 3) when you come back together, and 4) when you say goodnight to one another.

Express gratitude or appreciation and do it often and in a very detailed way. Spend more time telling them what you like, and less time finding fault.

Be a good listener to your partner. Put yourself in your partner's shoes and have empathy. Empathy is another aspect of giving. While you and your partner are different, you can listen to them with interest, try to understand their point of view and how they might feel. In Imago, we have entire scripted dialogues that we use with couples to help them get good at this.

These and other small acts of kindness lead to a greater sense of connection and open our hearts to our partners.

Once we appreciate what a big difference our giving to our partner makes, we can begin to see it's importance in our relationships and put more effort into it.

Make giving a focus this Holiday Season.