Celebrate Together

the Small Steps in Your Journey

I was looking back at past issues of our newsletter recently and was drawn to an article I wrote in March 2010 (Volume 3 Number 3). In that article, I was reflecting on my cancer journey and the struggles I was having after surgery and chemo. I knew I was in transition but impatient for change. The relationship tip was: "Change, transition & growth take time! Be patient with yourself and each other." As I finished re-reading the article, I was struck by the fact that it's been almost a year and a half since I wrote the article, and how far I have come since that time in the changes and growth I was seeking. I realized that I had made lots of progress, but I had NOT celebrated my successes or given myself a pat on the back, because "there is always more to do." Of course, we are never finished with changing and growing, so acknowledging small steps along the way is important, especially for those of us who take our achievements for granted.

Reflecting back to March of 2010, a couple of the things I wanted to change were:  

• to slow down and appreciate small things, not be driven  by the to-do-list or a goal
•  to make play and having fun a priority, not something to  do after the work is done
• to get physically stronger
• to regain confidence in both my body & mind

After I wrote that article in March of last year, I decided to gift myself "another year" in my recovery process as a May birthday present to myself. I gave myself permission to take the next year, this past year, to work on those changes that I felt so frustrated and impatient about and which I concluded I had not been able to make ANY progress on since my chemo ended.

Sometimes we are just so blind to things. Our partner, and others, can see more clearly than we can and when they appreciate and celebrate the small and large changes that they know we are attempting to make, it is incredibly touching & powerful to have them acknowledge our successes in a way that maybe our parents/families never did. A classic example of this came last weekend.

Carrie is training for the Pikes Peak Marathon & the Pikes Peak Ascent (yes, the dreaded "Double" it's called) and I have been going along to hike on the trails and get up in altitude, as she runs on the trails. Last weekend, I was to hike to Williams Lake below Mt. Wheeler (the highest mountain in New Mexico at 13,161 feet) which Carrie was going to summit, along with a few nearby 13ers as part of her final training. It was a cloudy, gray day and I got to the lake much faster than I thought that I would. With no sunny rock to sit on, and with no agenda except to enjoy the day, I continued on the trail up Mt. Wheeler.

We had started very early so there were very few people on the mountain. But there were lots of animals out---two beautiful deer right by the trail; at least a dozen big horn sheep, some very close, two with babies; so many marmots on the rocky mountainside, I stopped counting how many I observed; and one of my favorite high altitude animals, the pika (a very cute, gray, furry mouse-like creature with huge Mickey Mouse ears) who was harvesting alpine flowers and grass. For an animal lover, it was a delightful morning.

At a certain point, I realized that I was very near tree-line, and so I thought it would be great to go higher to see the view. At that point I was probably at around 12,000 feet and being out in the open tundra on the trail, Carrie was now able to spot me from up above. She trotted down the trail to meet me and encouraged me the final 1,000 feet up the trail to the summit of Mt. Wheeler. I have to say I was speechless that I had actually done it and felt so strong, both physically & mentally (you need the mental piece at that altitude because it's hard). AND I had had so much fun with the wildlife viewing on the way up, having slowed down enough to be able to observe the wildlife & not scare them off or rush by unaware of their existence.   It was a huge accomplishment coming from where I had been the year before, but of course I went to the, "Well, I've done fifteen 14,000 foot peaks in Colorado, what's the big deal about doing a 13er."   Carrie didn't let the moment and the accomplishment pass by then with lots of high fives & hugs, or later after we were home, when she presented me with a Mt. Wheeler pin in honor of my accomplishment.  

So a reminder to everyone about the tip from last year on change, "be patient with yourself & each other." But when you, or your partner, are trying to change and grow, celebrate together any progress in that new direction, no matter how small the success may seem. Don't let it pass by unnoticed. Remember, it's the journey not the destination.