Thanks to the research of John and Julie Gottman, we know what makes relationships work and what makes them fail. The beginning of the year is a traditional time for resolutions. If you can be successful in implementing the five resolutions listed below, you are building what the Gottmans refer to as a "Sound Relationship House". Imago Relationship Therapy gives us tools to implement these resolutions.
1. Nurture Friendship and Intimacy
Maintain an awareness of the other's inner world. Show interest in your partner by asking open ended questions. Listen with openness and curiosity.
Share and nurture fondness and admiration. Build a culture of appreciation and respect. Give verbal appreciation to your partner often and let them know how you are touched by them.
Turn toward each other instead of away. Turn toward the bids for emotional connection.
2. Maintain a Positive Perspective
When you are successful at nurturing friendship and intimacy on an ongoing basis, you are creating a positive perspective in your relationship. As a result, you and your partner are more likely to have positive sentiment over-ride negative and give one another the benefit of the doubt.
3. Manage Conflict Constructively
- Practice self-soothing to keep calm
- Discuss problems - move from gridlock to dialogue on perpetual problems
- De-escalate and repair ruptures as soon as possible
- Use a softened start-up. Begin by taking a breath and centering. Look at one another and smile. Use "I" language to talk about your upset.
- Allow for the fact that you and your partner are "different" and have a different perspective on things and that both perspectives are valid.
4. Find Ways to Make Life Dreams Come True
