The landscape out our window looks pretty bleak right now. There is still snow on the ground, and the plants and grasses we had left for "winter interest" have fallen over or been crushed by the weight of all our snowfalls. As March begins, it's a barren winter landscape that makes it look like nothing is happening. It's a little discouraging when you are hoping for some color, springtime and a change in the season. I have to keep reminding myself that changes are happening under that snow and that spring is around the corner, we're just not there yet.

 

The same is true in our relationship, as Carrie and I continue to recover from my cancer and chemotherapy treatments. After more than a year of dramatic change in how we related to each other and viewed both ourselves and each other as patient and caregiver, we are slowly feeling our way out of those roles. We're just not there yet.

 

In struggling with this process of transition, I picked a book I had read and found helpful many years ago, The Way of Transition by William Bridges. He talks of change as a "situational shift", i.e. getting a new boss, moving, losing a loved one, having a life-threatening illness. He talks of transition, on the other hand, as a way that we all come to terms with change. It is a process of letting go of the way things used to be and then taking hold of the way they subsequently become. In between the letting go and the taking hold again, he suggests that there is a "chaotic", but potentially creative period when things aren't the old way, but aren't really a new way either.

 

I think that's where I am right now as we begin a bleak and wintry March, and I have to admit, it's an uncomfortable place to be. And as Bridges says, transition, especially the space in-between the end of the old and the beginning of the new, can also be a step toward becoming more of our authentic selves ... what could be more appropriate for someone who embraces Imago! It's a time of tremendous opportunity and growth, but also a frustrating time, because it's a very difficult and slow process.

 

So if you, or you and your partner, find yourselves in a challenging time of transition, because of changes in your life, where you feel like you can't go back, but you're not ready to move forward, take a lesson I'm personally trying to learn, which is to be patient. Some days I'm better at it than others. Change, transition and growth for you and your relationship all take time. They don't just happen overnight. So be patient. You'll get there.