Moving From Inner Ouch To Opportunity
Last night I received an email from a bubbly young woman who was at one of my workshops in July. She had written to say that she had just been at a training in her district facilitated by a consultant who was ‘amazing’ and who ‘got us to be quiet even faster than you did.’ There was a smiley face next to the comment, but all I could think of at 9pm on a Tuesday night in the midst of a busy month was “Ouch.” I wrote back, “I’ll check out his website, thanks! Glad you had a good day and that he was terrific!” but what I was really thinking was “Ouch.”
To say that my lack of a growth mindset at that moment was evident is an understatement. I was grumpy and whiny and needed a hug. I was not on a learning edge. My fragility was front and center. I began comparing myself to this guy. Judging him, and in doing so, judging myself. I started excusing, deflecting and defending. This didn’t go on for forever because I curled up and went to sleep, but you get the picture. It wasn’t useful.
In the morning, I was embarrassed. My inner response was real and honest, but not professional. Then I started thinking of every professional learning community member, every data team participant, and every new teacher this year who will be receiving feedback from a coach or content specialist or supervisor in the next few weeks and how, as school begins and the work starts, there might be a few colleagues out there who will also be feeling some ‘inner ouches.’
What do I do with my inner ouch?
- Say to myself aloud, (either in my head or into my apartment when no one else is there), “This is an opportunity to get curious and see what the learning can be.” I open my body, uncross my arms, and physically lean into the moment.
- Try not to beat myself up. Self-compassion isn’t only for the weak; it is a smart strategy. When we can be kind to ourselves, we can care for others even more substantively.
- Know that there will always be a learning edge – not a flaw to feel bad about, but an edge at which to grow. Recognize that acknowledging my insecurities and edges will help me see my students and their edges in a more generous way.
- Be aware that however adult we are trying to be on the ‘outside,’ we bring our fears to the table. And, as an adult I need to self-manage my insides in order to stay the best professional I can be. Admit discomfort, sit with the feelings, stay engaged, ask questions, and start to go toward future applications of new learning.
- Be mindful of others; be respectful of their dignity and aware of their vulnerabilities as I stay professional with my feedback. Choose language that is humane and growth producing. Watch my body language and my trigger words so that I am not moving others toward ‘Ouch’ but instead toward ‘I see.’
It took me a minute, (well, a few), but I will check out my colleague’s website. Here’s to moving from ‘Ouch’ to opportunity.
As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to email me at Jennifer@jenniferabrams.com. I look forward to hearing from you!
Here are some cool resources and a conference you might want to attend in October!
Join us October 18-19 at the Corwin Press Common Core Institute Cook Convention Center, Memphis, TN The Common Core Institute is a two-day conference designed to help you understand and implement the Common Core State Standards by providing an interactive venue for educators to share best practices and dialogue about Common Core trends, needs, challenges, case studies, and breakthroughs.
http://purposed.org.uk “We’re a non-partisan, location-independent organization aiming to kick start a debate around the question: What’s the purpose of education? With a 3-year plan, a series of campaigns, and a weekly newsletter we aim to empower people to get involved and make a difference in their neighborhood, area and country.”
“Developing Mindfulness in School Leaders” - a great article in Education Week.
Each month I will share with you information about a few of my upcoming trainings.
If I am going to be in your area, contact me so we can say hello, hopefully in person!
Having Hard Conversations and
Being Generationally Savvy
Vision to Practice Conference
Greater Essex County District School Board
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
Pushing the Pause Button
School Psychologists Retreat Facilitation
Palo Alto USD
Palo Alto, CA
Working with Resistance
Department Chairs Retreat
Mountain View-Los Altos High School District
Mountain View, CA
For additional upcoming events, please visit my Web site.
Until next time,
Feel free to forward this newsletter to friends and colleague. You may reprint this newsletter in whole or quote with attribution to Jennifer Abrams and a link to www.jenniferabrams.com