Reframing for LESS STRESS!
With the July 4 Independence Day holiday here in the States, one can't help but be struck by the power that thoughts and ideas can have. Most of the founding fathers began their lives as loyal subjects to the British monarchy. Yet over time, those in the budding American republic shifted from the perception that the authority of the king was of divine origin to a new belief system that a better society would emerge if it were based on the rights and merits of the individual-and that King George was far from being heaven sent.
"Well it depends on how you look at it," goes the familiar phrase. And a large portion of transformational work is based on that idea and the subsequent practice known as reframing or choosing to change our perceptions. This is why two people can encounter identical circumstances and yet have radically different responses. Although other people and outside situations absolutely do influence our lives, it is our thinking about them that largely determines what we will experience.
With the arrival of the summer season here at the Jersey Shore I have been using a reframing technique to keep my stress levels on an even keel when it comes to bridge openings. For those of you who are from different parts of the planet, let me explain. In coastal New Jersey we have a system draw bridges over the rivers that lead to the Atlantic Ocean so that sailboats and other large vessels can pass through. And as anyone who lives here can tell you, these bridge openings have an uncanny knack of taking place when you are late for work, tired and just want to go home, have a crying baby in the back seat, etc. The fact that most of these vessels are owned by the "have you any Grey Poupon?" set seems to make the situation even less palatable for the average local.
So for many, the stimulus of the bridge opening triggers angry thoughts ("this is so unfair!" "where's my musket when I need it!" and so on) which in turn leans to an unpleasant emotional state which solves absolutely nothing. (Believe me, if telekinesis were real, there would be scores of sunken sailboats at the bottom of the Manasquan River!)
Noticing that I too was letting my thoughts stress me out during these interruptions I decided to reframe my thinking. Now getting caught by a bridge opening is a signal that I should take a deep breath, relax and tell myself "it's nothing personal against me, its just the way things are." The result is that I feel much calmer.
This reframing technique of "its nothing personal against me," works well in a number of situations where we may find the behavior of others aggravating like traffic jams, indifferent sales clerks, etc. Although less than considerate behavior has the potential to be frustrating, it usually isn't anything personal. Chances are that the other person isn't mature enough to notice or care how others are responding to the thoughtless behavior.
Now this isn't to say that social activism doesn't have its time and place, we wouldn't have become a nation if it didn't. However, if we don't have the time/effort/resources to change an external situation the next best thing is to alter the thought that triggers the stress.
