Simple Words

A few weeks ago, I had a deadline for my newspaper column, and pulled out my laptop to finish what I had already started writing. I had done a lot of research, interviewed a darling grandma and grandpa, and was looking forward to getting the task off the proverbial "to do" list.

But as I opened up the computer, I was horrified as I tried to retrieve the file, and realized it was nowhere to be found. The computer had shut down, I remembered now, and I couldn't find my work. My stomach sank to the floor.

I did what any good mother of twenty-something kids would do...I called my twenty-something daughter. Lexi assured me that I would be fine as long as I had remembered to back up everything on my hard drive. "Oh yeah, what was that again?" I asked. "MOM! I gave you the external hard drive so you could save your work and never have this problem. You just have to back it up...then you can retrieve it at anytime when you need it, and it will never be lost."

I hung up the phone, dialed the grandma and grandpa and said, "Guess what! I'm coming over again to chat!" They were thrilled. I learned my lesson. Back up the hard drive!

I began to think about the word encouragement and how hard it is to find in the inner workings of the hard drive of our lives.

Webster's Dictionary says that the word encourage means "support that gives someone hope or confidence, or to motivate somebody to take a course of action, to assist something to occur or increase."

Hebrews 3:13 says we are to encourage one another daily. It doesn't say, once in a lifetime, or just when you feel like it, or when someone has done something really spectacular. No...it says day after day.

If in fact, our responsibility is to encourage...we need to be doing just that. We must be different. We can't fall into the same pitfall of this old world. And that pit fall is the amazing and incredible ability to shut down, just like my laptop did, and not have any memory of the good things of this life...of the life that God has given to us. It's the cold, cool turn off that shuts down and doesn't share anything with anyone.

You see on the hard drive of who we are....our hearts, our spirits, our personalities, God has uniquely crafted this thing called our soul. When people believe in us, encourage us, spur us on to do good things, we are better people. We do greater things for God. We're happier. We believe deeper...we reach higher. God has backed up our hard drive with His words telling us that He loves us, believes in us, and wants the best for us. He says in John 10:10 "I came to give you real and eternal life. More and better life than you have ever hoped for or dreamed of." He says in I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care on Him for He cares for you." He loves us. He wants His best for us. Now we in turn need to do that for others.

John C. Maxwell, one of my favorite authors, quotes in his book entitled, Encouragement Changes Everything, these words from Reggie Jackson: "I'll tell you what makes a great manager, a great manager has a knack for making ballplayers think they are better than they are. He forces you to have a good opinion of yourself. He lets you know he believes in you. He makes you get more out of yourself. And once you learn how good you really are, you never settle for playing anything less than your very best."

I have seen over the years, many people get turned around, even on the path they were walking, by someone simply believing in them and who they are. And I have seen people torn to shreds over simple words spoken into them day after day. The value of simple, positive, reinforcement is so powerful....just as powerful are the words that are meant to harm and tear down.

Here's the real truth, sear it into your brain, When we encourage people...they become better...but when we encourage others... we become better people. The focus is off of ourselves and onto others.

We become used of God when we invest in other people and back up encouragement on the hard drive of their soul....telling them good things about who they are and what they're doing. And we have the opportunity to bless and be blessed. What a glorious thing!

Take some time today to build into someone and encourage their spirit. It takes a few moments with a few simple words to create a simple back up on the hard drive of their life. 

"You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts,

acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits.

When we all help one another, everybody wins."

- Jim Stovall, Author of The Ultimate Gift

"You never know when one act, or one word of encouragement

can change a life forever."

- Zig Ziglar

Words Can Hurt 

Speaker/Author Kandy Stevens writes about the loss of her 12 year old son, Reed Stevens:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Whoever came up with that little saying couldn't have been more wrong. In my life, I have found that the words of others come back to haunt me more than any physical injury or ailment. This has been an incredibly challenging assignment, because I am certain that I have said or done some of the same things illustrated below.

During our grief journey, some icky things have been said to us and about us, and sadly, there are many more than I have listed below. However for each yucky point given, I could give a litany of all the positively wonderful blessings I have received as well. The journey we are embarking upon is bumpy, but someone needs to be brave and say that, "Words do hurt". Hang in there, we will make it through.

What was said: "You know he's (Reed) in a better place."

Reality: Deep in my soul, I know that to be true, but early in my grieving, what my ears heard was, "Your house was a stinky place to be." I know that isn't what the people meant when they said this, but in deep grief, it sounded like a criticism of our home and our parenting. Yes, I am secure in where Reed resides (with Jesus), but my broken, momma's heart couldn't bear to know I wasn't going to be setting a spot at the table for him or tucking him into bed at night.

What was said: "Aren't you over that yet?" (This was in reference to Reed's death)

Reality: Today as I write this, it has been 3 years, 2 months, and 28 days since I lost my son. No, I don't typically know that number off the top of my head, but use it for an illustration. Not one single one of those 1183 days have I not thought about my son and how much I miss him. For someone to look me in the eye and to say those words was the most incredulous experience ever. The truth is that those words still hurt even a year later. They are a reminder of the worst nightmare of grieving parents - the nightmare where no one says your child's name or remembers him at all - where he is simply forgotten. I will never be over the death of my son, but I will live through it. I do live on with joyous hope, anxiously waiting for the day when I will see him once again in heaven.

Through these two examples, one can plainly see, words really can hurt. The reality is that none of us can ever truly know how someone else really feels, because we are all hard-wired by our Father differently. I have watched my children suffer from physical injuries and ailments, but I don't actually know what it feels like inside their skin.

My grandmother says, "You really cannot judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes." This really speaks to our choice of words as well, because sometimes unasked for or unsolicited "advice" is really a veiled critique. There are words that should just never be spoken - simply because they do not build others up.

It is okay to speak truth in difficult situations, but when in doubt refer to THE WORD when He said,

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

If we all took the time to stop and use that filter, think just how incredible all of our words would be.

Breaking Dishes! 

Breaking dishes...just one or an entire kitchen's worth; at some point all of us have been angry or frustrated to the point of wanting to throw something. Maybe it was an injustice or deep wound that kept resurfacing that brought it on. I know what you are thinking, "I can't go around breaking dishes, I'd have to clean up the mess," or "that's not a proper way to deal with anger," or "it won't change anything." But, in our hearts, we think it would feel good to cut loose and shatter a plate... or three.

This topic came up one night with the women of "In the Wildflowers." This is a group I facilitate for women who are victims of sexual abuse and assault. These women wanted to break some dishes! It is easy to see how these deep wounds can bring about extreme anger to the point of wanting to throw something. They didn't just want to throw something but they wanted to see it shatter. Anger and pain had been building for years and they saw this as a way to let it out.

What these courageous women really wanted was freedom, freedom from the pain, anger, and resentment that had been building rather than diminishing over time. Freedom begins by understanding what is at the core of the pain. Once we know what is at the core such as fear, shame, or unworthiness then we can declare our freedom in Christ and allow Him to enter in and set us free. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1 NIV).

So, what would breaking dishes get us really? Freedom. Huh? Yep, that's right, freedom. Oh we broke dishes, but with a twist. As we stood in front of the brick wall, I told them this was a celebration. I told them that for each plate they broke they had to declare what part of their life was now free through Christ. The shattering pieces represented what they had broken free from in their life. They shattered the enemy, shame, fear, unworthiness and so much more. When that first plate hit the wall there was an overwhelming wave of release followed by cheers and tears of joy. Yes, it was symbolic, but God met us there as they declared their freedom and shattered their yokes to slavery.

It is His desire to set us all free. It is available to all of us. So, declare your freedom and go break some dishes. 

Spring Clear Up & Clean Out

After the long winter months (especially here in Minnesota!), we are ready to head outdoors and enjoy the Spring & Summer months. But our porches and patio areas are places that have become storage spots for old chairs, broken umbrellas, and the kid's muddy boots, along with mud and sand that is ground in to our tiles and cement.

It's time to work through your space and once again make it a haven for relaxation.

 

1. Clear Clutter: Gather all garbage pieces and dispose of properly, recycling any old magazines, newspapers or empty bottles and debris.

2. Clear Area Completely: remove all furniture from porch area or patio and set aside. Get rid of anything damaged or broken.

3. Sweep Clean: Take a hard bristled brush and attack all cobwebs, and window screens. Next, take a sturdy broom to sweep all dirt and grime. If working on your patio area, take a garden hose with attachment and spray down all brick, cement, stone, as well as patio furniture. Try the Proline Push-broom Bristle Floor Brush for $$26.49 at Overstock.com

4. Make Windows Shine: Use ammonia based window cleaner such as Windex Outdoor All-in-One or make your own with 7 pints of cool water poured into a bucket. Add ½ c. of sudsing household ammonia & 1 pt household rubbing alcohol. Tint with 2 drops of blue food coloring. Stir mixture with gloved hand. To dry windows without streaks, use crumpled newspaper.

5. Dry Area Thoroughly: While the area is drying, sort through any pieces that you do not need for your area. The porch and patio should display simplistic pieces that make your relaxing times feel fabulous.

6. Focus on What's Important: What do you use when you're on the porch or patio? Do you need a small wire table to set snacks and drinks? Check out the wrought iron round accent end table from Target for $32 at target.com. Or perhaps you would like some extra planters with flowers to brighten the area. Check out Better Homes & Gardens Romano Round 20" Planter for $20 or the International Caravan Mandalay Iron Outdoor Rect. Plant stand for $69.89 at walmart.com.

7. Utilize Storage Bins: for your porch or patio area, you should have at least two storage containers.

1) Outdoor equipment, games, baseball mitts and balls, volleyballs and nets, etc.

2) Barbequing utensils, charcoal, lighter fluid, etc. If you like to keep your outdoor area really organized, check out the outdoor hose handler for $32.99 at zearth.com.

8. Birdhouses, Birdfeeders, Firepits, and Outdoor lighting: are some of the great things that make outdoors an enjoyable visit with nature. Find simple birdhouses (even at Goodwill!) and hang up to entice birds to visit.

9. Help Floors & Patio Stay Clean: by purchasing a heavy outdoor rug. Martha Stewart offers a variety of heavy duty and appealing rugs at Home Depot ranging from $27-205.

10. Take 10 Minutes a day to keep clean and enjoy the great outdoors!

1. Verbally affirm them.

2. Pick up the phone and call, letting them know you care.

3. Send a note, email, text or facebook message.

4. Purchase something little for them.

5. Show up at an event for that person.

6. Go to that person's home with a meal, or an offer to mow their lawn.

7. The biggest way to encourage others is with just a simple statement:

"Wow! You're great at that!"
"You did a nice job"
"You are amazing"
"You are a wonderful friend"
"You're a talented (fill in the blank: piano player, baseball player, cook)"

Let's pray: Lord, help me to be a tool today to encourage the people that you have in my life. Help me to love them and to support them to be their best. In Jesus name, Amen.

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word."

II Thessalonians 2:16

Encouragement Changes Everything

John Maxwell is a leader in leadership and is one of my favorite authors in life. Although a small book (125 little pages!), it's completely chocked full of great thoughts, quotes, scriptures and stories about encouraging one another. In this book, John offers practical advice on transforming lives, churches and the workplace with simple encouraging words. I think my favorite thoughts out of the entire book are these simple phrases:

"People want to achieve things of which they can be proud... motivate them. People want to earn recognition for who they are and what they achieve... honor them."

I purchased mine at www.cbd.com for $9.99. A digital ebook is also available.