External events are fact-based and objective. And, because they are external to us, they are not within our control. However, the resulting thoughts, emotions, and actions we take are absolutely within our control.
External events have the potential to dramatically impact our ability to be effective....and we get in our own way of success. Most often, this manifests when we choose to engage in one or more of the following active avoidance strategies around a specific external event:
1. Ignore it - don't address it, dance around it, treat it as if it weren't there, walk 18 flights of steps instead of chancing an elevator ride with the colleague who wronged you.
2. Perseverate on it. - focus on it with a veracity and an earnestness like no other , spend every free moment replaying it in your mind, looking at it from all angles, and dwelling on your perception of what happened.
3. Be confounded by it.- spend your time focused on the unfairness of it, try to find as many loopholes of logic that exist in the situation to support your being confounded.
4. Blame it - as the cause of as many woes as possible, no matter how disconnected they may be from it, try to connect it to as many personal struggles as you can both personal and professional.
5. Exaggerate it.- call attention to it, bring it up in every conversation you have, take the pieces of it and apply a multiple factor that helps to expand the scope of its impact well beyond reason.
The next time you find yourself thinking about practicing active avoidance, take the time to ask yourself:
What CORE value of mine has this external event so deeply touched? In what way is this external event altering my perception of the world? What has not changed as a result of this external event? What are the thoughts and emotions that are swirling around in my head that I can be aware of BEFORE I leap into action?
The answers to these questions are the
'it' that is being avoided.
And, 'it' will most likely be a tender spot, which is your clue...
so, tread carefully.
The good news is that once the 'it' is recognized, moving forward becomes exponentially more possible.
