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HOLIDAY GIFT IDEA:
The Executive Leadership Investment Package
Includes:
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Energy Leadership Index Assessment
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One 60-90 Minute
Debrief Session
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Three 60-minute sessions- Once per week following Initial Session
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Customized "Next Steps' Road map
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Mike Malinchok
S2K Consulting, LLC offers one-on-one executive coaching, team coaching, and leadership training.
The name of this newsletter 'The Second Cup' was originally based on my own morning routine that requires a second cup of coffee before the cognitive portion of my day begins.
Recently,though, a good friend told me about the ancient Himilayan customs around sharing of a special tea mixture known as paiyu cha. Tradition goes that the second cup of the mixture is reserved for sharing with an honored guest.....a good friend.
The first reason tells you something about me. And, the second one......is all about you, my good friend.
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| Greetings!
A personal and powerful gift to give yourself this holiday - forgiveness
In the spirit of the season, I want to shift gears a little bit in this week's Second Cup to a more personal application of anabolic and catabolic energy. I've heard from several Second Cup subscribers who tell me that while they strive to be anabolic leaders, they often have trouble letting go of past experiences that keep them mired down in catabolic thoughts and emotions. More often than not, these past experiences are ones that involve a hurt or transgression that has somehow impacted your perception of yourself and your place in the world.
One of the biggest shifts that people can make to remove some of the catabolic energy from their lives is to forgive themselves and others. You forgive people that hold you back, you forgive people that you feel you've hurt and who have hurt you in some way.
"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
Many people have difficulty forgiving others because they believe that, in forgiving, they are condoning or pardoning a particular act or behavior. An Energy Leadership definition of forgiveness, though, involves releasing the catabolic energy of judgment and blame and moving forward. In this definition, the concepts of "wrong" or "right" fade as we recognize that whatever we are forgiving is holding ourselves back in some way.
At first glance, forgiving someone else can often seem like an impossible task. After all, when you believe that the other person did something wrong, didn't show you respect, hurt you, or did something that seemed to go against something you value, your first reaction (if you're like most people in the world!), is to be hurt, upset, angry, and resentful. You blame them, and perhaps crave revenge. Think of a situation in your life, current or past, where someone did something for which you haven't forgiven them. How does it make you feel? Sit with those feelings for a moment, then read on.
Most likely, you didn't feel love, peace, and calm. That's because holding onto anger and resentment hurts you much more than it can possibly hurt the other person. If you lash out at the offender, it may "feel good" temporarily, but the catabolic energy inside you is there, eating away at you, hurting you physically, and blocking you from having or doing the things you really want. One of my favorite forgiveness quotes comes from St. Augustine -
"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies."
By not forgiving, you are hurting only yourself. If your energy is spent in blame and anger, it can't be spent in constructive ways. So by not forgiving, the hurt - to yourself - goes on and on.
How can you release those feelings? Recognize that you can take responsibility for what you are feeling and thinking and acknowledge that you can make things better for yourself. Make the choice to forgive - for you. Realize that in order for you to win, someone else doesn't have to lose. Acknowledge that the other person was, most likely, doing the best that they could do under the specific circumstances that he or she was in.
Finally, realize the gift and opportunity in whatever happened. Change your perspective. Think of forgiving in a different way, and thank the other person for giving you an experience that helped you grow.
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!
Mike Malinchok, CPC
President
S2K Consulting, LLC
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