When darkness and despair seems to be the order of the day, what are we to do? At those times when it seems impossible to recognize the Self we are, aside from the feelings and the thoughts we are having, what is our path?
The tools most of us have used are twofold:
First, we find some way of affecting our feelings, and therefor our mood--things like comfort food, television, a drink, a smoke, gossip, exercise, etc. This is normal to do. It's not natural, because feelings are not meant to be altered. Feelings are merely a flow of information about where we are in time and space, and as such are meant to be experienced and let go. But it becomes our norm when we have no other way of experiencing ourselves other than our thoughts and our feelings, and feel we must change them in order to be happy.
Second, we work our situation around in our mind in an attempt to change the outcome. What if I had done this, or if only I had said that, or next time I'm going to make sure I do this differently. Like watching a movie we've seen before in which the hero dies in the end, and yet hoping that maybe this time he won't. This is speculation. Our mind, designed to seek happiness, and speculating a different experience or a different outcome in order to find that happiness, always will take us to a place of suffering.
Now as Vedic meditators we know we must name these feelings and these speculative thoughts as stress release and refuse to be identified with it. Insist on remembering the Self deep inside the thoughts and the feelings, let go of our identification with the thoughts and feelings and get present. But as one meditator asked recently:
'Is there a difference between stress release and reaction? [...] Sometimes there are things that happen that are upsetting/frustrating/stressful and it seems only natural that we would react to those moments and despite our best efforts become mired in the feelings that come up in those moments. How can we look upon those moments in a way that allows us to see past those thoughts/feelings?'
Yes, of course there are times in our day when things happen that we find upsetting; and of course the feelings we have can be seen as legitimate. And when we react to these things, nearly always we are releasing stresses along with whatever reaction we are having. What we have to remember is this: - There are no stressful experiences. There are only stressful responses. I am having a stressful response because I think I know the way this should be going, and it's not. And...
- if I am looking outside myself to find happiness or to find the source of my despair, I always will find a reason not to be happy. It's always there. Today it may be that I am not well-loved enough, tomorrow that I don't have a good job, the next day that I'm too short or too tall or too old or... It is a never-ending, ever-shifting litany of reasons for me to be less than happy, less than grateful.
So what do we do instead? We find acceptance for the way things are right now, and acceptance for the way we are right now. We remind ourselves that we don't know how things are supposed to go. We remind ourselves that there is a flow of intelligence in the universe that waits to give us a life far greater than any we could design for ourselves, and we ask ourselves how we might best open ourselves to discovering what that flow would have us do in this moment. We get present and ask for guidance, and we refuse to lend credence to the voices that cry out for drama and blood, our own or someone else's.
Today I am willing to feel the uncomfortable feelings that may come through me without letting them drag me down. I will insist, no matter what, on recognizing the benign, loving presence of the universe that awaits me just the other side of these feelings.
Tack Room, Barn, Young's Point, MT
All material copyright JeffKoberMeditation |
