The Veda speaks about there being only one thing. I can repeat that concept all day long, but if I am solely identified as the ego, as individuality, knowing that the truth of the universe is this so-called 'oneness' will not do me an ounce of good. So, as an ego-identified individual, what do I do?

Let's define 'ego-identified.' The term sounds dreadful. None of us want to think of ourselves as egoic. The word brings up the idea of self-centeredness, self-obsession, of narcissism, and even if we have aspects of these qualities, most of us also have judgment against them, when found in ourselves or in others. But what we mean by ego-identified is that state in which we are constrained to know ourselves as our thoughts and our feelings; as our beliefs; as our opinions; as our idea of the opinions of others whom we see as valid and valuable reflections of who we are. All these things together form an idea of self. Without a practice that allows us to know ourselves from some other point of view, what other choice do we have than to take these values as the measure of who we are? This is what I know. This is what I feel. These are the eyes through which I see. Period. Great concept, you may say, this 'we-are-all-at-one-with-nature' thing, but without an experience of it, that's what it remains: a concept.

Then we find this practice of meditation. We now find it possible to drop in to an experience of self that is other than this melange of thoughts, feelings, ideas. We drop into this gap state within which we begin to know ourselves as the place of pure being, as that place where indeed we are at one with all things, at one with nature. It is quiet here. It is healing. It is the place of pure bliss. And when we come back out of our meditation, we have a bit of that quiet, a bit of that bliss accruing to us and we carry it into our day.  

But of equal importance is that we have discovered this place within that is other than our ego. So now, when we are being thrown about by the ever-shifting needs and desires and ideas of who we are, we can remember this place within. As we relate more and more to this inner experience of Self, we actually will begin to expand our identity to include this inner Self, as well as our ego/individual self. We will begin to know ourselves as the fulfillment that we are in our least excited state when we are meditating, and when we are not meditating; when we are angry at traffic, our boss, our spouse, and when we watch a baby discovering his hands and everything they can do; when our hearts have been broken, and when a sunset takes our breath away.

And what about our relationships with others? When we have this experience of fulfillment within we can let others off the hook. Our need quotient drops precipitously. We find ourselves full. We have the real, feel-able experience of knowing that this other person can neither add to, nor take away from, my feelings of fulfillment. Certainly, if someone steps on my toes, literally or figuratively, it will hurt, but I will not lose my fulfillment. I will have an experience of hurt feelings or hurt toes, but I will still be fulfilled. And when my partner tries to love me, tries to give me love, I will have an opportunity to accept it with grace and gratitude. We will see our partner's love as the miracle that it is, for any time any of us truly can care for another without question of return, it's a miracle.

With this experience of meditation and this relationship with Self it brings, we then begin to see what a relationship with another truly can be, how it can feel, what is available with another, rather than from another. Because just as I cannot help but demand from you if all I know is my need, if I am fulfillment itself, if I am full, I cannot help but give to you. I cannot help but offer to you the excess of life that pours through me. I cannot help but share with you the abundant gift that my life is.

This is when relationship begins. This is a worthy ideal to set as a way we can be with each other. A relationship not as a place for us to go to find fulfillment. Rather, as a showcase for the fulfillment that we are.  

Today I will imagine what it might be like to have fulfillment, to be fulfillment, to have happiness flowing through me and so much that I can't help but share it with someone else.

 Heart on Tree , Studio City, CA