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August 20

Systems of Thought 

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Before I became a meditator I did not care how things were explained. I was moderately interested in how a radio worked, but more than that, I wanted to listen to the music. I had primarily an emotional intuitive experience of the world, and all I cared about was finding a way through that allowed me to live with my head above water, figuratively speaking. It didn't matter to me particularly why a life approach was working, only that it was working, and my way of knowing whether or not this was the case was simply to pay attention to my level of discomfort. If it was lessened by whatever practice I was engaged in, that was enough for me.

Of course I tried to make sense of things in my way. I followed trails, bread crumbs, through forests of theory and practice. The first thing that helped was a study of Nietzsche in a college philosophy course. Here was a man who suffered at least as much as me--he would write for three or four days at a go and then collapse with debilitating headaches, using opiates to manage the pain--and yet he posited a theory of life that allowed for the possibility of a self-overcoming and an approach to personal greatness. It didn't hurt that his Germanic harshness echoed my own upbringing. What was missing in his philosophy, though, was the idea of God and the healing potential of love, both human and divine.  

From Nietzsche I was led to Carl Jung and a way to begin to make sense of the forces that seem to operate through us, yet are of something greater than us. Jung of course calls this the collective consciousness, which idea is really not all that far removed from the Vedic conception of Brahman, or oneness.

Along with these philosophical studies there also were physical practices which helped in my search for freedom from suffering. Alexander Lowen, a student of Wilhelm Reich, developed the process of Bioenergetics which allowed for a way to release emotional holdings in the body, what we would call stresses, that affect the body's capacity to be. Also the life's work of Moishe Feldenkrais, , Awareness Through Movement, another approach to freedom of expression and emotional freedom via finding freedom in one's ability to move.

So here we have an intellectual and a physical/emotional approach to a fullness of life, necessitated by an individual experience of suffering that continually was brought to a point of crisis by the experiences I was having as an actor and seeking fullness of expression there. There also was talk therapy along the way, and always a study of one spiritual system or another as I moved through life--Science of Mind, A Course in Miracles, Emmet Fox, Sri Aurobindo--because what became abundantly clear to me was that an understanding of what was wrong was not enough to change things for me. I needed something bigger than me. Nor was any idea of approach to life enough to guide me out of my self-imposed experience of suffering. I knew why I was suffering, I knew how I was continuing to make myself suffer, but by dint of this knowledge I wasn't able to ease my suffering to any great degree. Truth be told, there was a slight but steady movement forward in my capacity to be engaged with life, but still I felt as if I were shackled, but just getting strong enough to be able to dance in spite of the shackles.

Also throughout this journey of mine, I 'meditated.' I use quotes around that word because indeed, though I sat and sat, doing one thing or another that was suggested to me, the only thing I really got from any of the practices I tried was the ability to sit.

Now I have a meditation practice that steadily has freed me from suffering. The stresses in my body in which the pattern of suffering has been held continue to melt away as I sit for my 20-30 minutes, twice each day. And the Vedic literature presents a way of understanding the universe that is large enough to encompass all that ever has made sense to me in my journey from abject suffering and spiritual poverty to a daily experience of the joy of life, the depths of which knowledge I have only begun to plumb.

And now I see myself trying to understand all of this scientifically. Because now I know there is something that works to accomplish what I spent my life trying to accomplish. There is a process by which any of us can move from suffering to joy. The process is easy to learn and effortless in its practice and it never fails to work for one who is engaged in it. I find that knowing this for myself and saying it aloud is sometimes enough to convince someone to try it themselves; but there are those others who want proof beforehand, who want to know the science behind the process, the why and the wherefore of its efficacy. I understand this. There is so much that doesn't work, or that works for only a short time, and none of us want to be taken advantage of. None of us want to be played for fools. Usually if something sounds too good to be true, it is. But this isn't. This Vedic meditation works, it works in every case I have seen, it works whether the meditator believes it will work or not. Many physicists are beginning to present an understanding of the universe that clearly explains why and how this meditation works. This is what I am trying to learn now, so that I may know what I know clearly enough to talk about it in a way that is more advanced than, "It works for me. It feels right. You should try it." Though I firmly am convinced of the potential power of sharing one's personal experience, I'm trying to expand my set of tools available. Doing this writing is part of that process for me, and I thank you for taking the time and having the patience to read it.

   Lone Tree, Coconino National Forest, Arizona

All material copyright JeffKoberMeditation