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At any given moment we may choose to be self-centered, or centered in the Self. This is not simply wordplay. It's two completely different approaches to life. The ego always will tend me in the direction of the former, and God always will invite me to move toward the latter.
In my day job I am an actor. As a job description, this can mean anything from playing King Lear at the Old Globe to wearing a banana suit in front of the Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Blvd., handing out free tickets to the new Donkey Kong movie. And everything in between. In my circles it generally means television and film, from guest star to lead, playing the love interest, the heavy, the hero, his best friend, cop, robber, doctor, patient. All the stereotypes by which America is known to the rest of the world. The work is fun, usually. Sometimes it's meaningful, often-times it's merely benign.
The great thing about the entertainment industry here in Hollywood is that, by and large, it is relatively devoid of ego. By 'relatively' I mean to say not that it is filled with yogis and saints performing selfless service, though they are there to be found, but that there is far less ego than one would expect, given the nature of the beast. I mean really, imagine this is your day:
'Here, put on these clothes we've gone out to buy especially for you. Let's do something with that hair. Just sit back. And now we're going to spend an hour or two making you look beautiful, adding and subtracting lines, pounds, inches, color, bumps, sags, bags, etc. Okay. Now relax in your trailer until we're ready for you. Can I get you something to eat? A drink?
'We're ready for you. Let me walk you to the set. Alright, now: this very talented man or woman--the Director--has gone to great lengths to figure out how you should be seen; then he or she has communicated it to this other extremely talented man or woman--let's call this one the Director of Photography--who then has passed on instructions to the Gaffer and the Key Grip who in turn got these twenty or so men and women to spend the last hour and a half hanging lights and flags (using a stand-in so we didn't have to make you sweat), to make you shine like a diamond. These people with the microphone are going to follow you around to capture your every sigh, and this whole crew of Camera, First Assistant Camera, Second Assistant Camera and Dolly Grip are going to give you their undivided attention, making sure that all this other attention that's been lavished on you is captured on film or digitally so that it can be cut together and sent out for a few million others to watch.
Now, 'Quiet on the set! Rolling. Speed. My Ego's Bigger Than Your Ego, Scene 55A, Take One. Marker. Aaaaand...
'Hold on, hold on, wait a second, before you start, remember: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. This is about the story that the producer came up with that was turned into a script by this talented novelist (who's doing TV because novels don't make money any more), and the script has been rewritten and rewritten until it's absolutely perfect, and again, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. So, as we were saying...
'Aaaaand... Action!'
In truth, the entire universe is observer dependent. All of us always are having to work against our desire to have all the attention, or its opposite, to disappear completely, sometimes both at the same time. Being an actor simply means having a laboratory within which to practice present moment awareness and ego-lessness on a regular basis. In acting, the only time anyone is really any good is when they are able to put their attention somewhere other than on themselves. Self-consciousness in acting is certain death (relatively speaking). The same, though, is true in the real world. Self-consciousness equals death. It just can be slower and take you longer to realize if someone doesn't have a camera trained on you. Die this figurative death in front of the camera, though, and someone notices right away...
'Cut! Cut, cut cut! **&%)#@$%! What the ?>@&*+#! were you thinking? This time could you try to behave like a real human being? Please?
Okay. Reset. Back to One!'
Sheesh...
Today I will behave as if God and the whole universe is watching, and within this game I will find joy, a sense of play and the way to put all my attention somewhere other than on myself, preferably on the person who's in front of me.
The End, Studio City All material copyright Jeff Kober |
