The ego seems to be at the root of a lot of our 'problems' in life. Alcoholics Anonymous calls for 'ego deflation at depth' in order for the alcoholic to be able to achieve sobriety. A Course in Miracles says that the ego wants you dead, that there is no negotiation with the ego. But we may not simply be rid of it. For one thing, the ego is like the Terminator--no matter what you do to kill it off, it will come back again, stronger and smarter and probably pissed off that you tried to do it in. And in fact, we need the ego for individuation. We need the ego to tell us who we are. In terms of evolution, it developed for a reason.
The ego tells me where I am safe, and where I am not safe.
The ego tells me which groups I belong with, and which I don't. It's great at discerning what is like me and what is unlike me. Who is like me and who is unlike me.
When I behave from fear and/or anger, the ego will give me reasons, if not indeed justification, for everything I'm doing. It will find the 'why' for me regardless of the 'what.'
The ego will identify the point of weakness in the people around me, and on a good day this means I will avoid the places with a friend that may be sensitive; and on a not so good day I will put my foot right in it and say exactly the thing that will hurt them the most.
The ego will take credit for everything it judges positive, and also blame for everything it judges negative. Or it will assign that blame to others, because someone must be blamed.
Looking at the above, all of these things seem to be separative, at least in potential. This is the ego's job: safety, which in ego terms means to keep itself separate. Not always a bad thing. The problem is, though, that the ego is not really keeping me safe. It's keeping itself safe. It's just convinced me that I'm it, so I go along for the ride.
Even given that, though, we don't want to be rid of the ego, really. We just don't want to be at the effect of its less than stellar qualities, those qualities that can be hurtful to ourselves and hurtful to others around us. The trouble is that if I am identified as the ego, I really can have no effect on the ego; rather, I am at the effect of the ego myself. In order not to be at the effect of the ego, I must be identified by something other than the ego, something other than my thoughts and my feelings, my opinions and the facts of my life--race, sex, body type, neighborhood, economic bracket.
This something other by which we must be identified often is referred to as the Self. Ego as self, this other as Self. Large 'S'. This is the place by which we identify with nature, with this thing that is greater than ourself. This is what we contact when we meditate. In our meditation, we transcend the level from which thoughts arise. We go beyond the level of thought to that place that is deeper or higher or more subtle than thought. From there we cannot be identified as the ego, because the ego doesn't go there, can't go there. The ego gets left behind and can then be seen for what it is, i.e. just one part of this wonderful expression of life that we are, rather than the totality of what we are.
And as we have this experience, again and again, of being this other thing in addition to being the ego, we begin to be able to choose whether or not we're going to take the ego's idea of a given situation seriously. Do I really have to correct this person in front of me in the deli line who hasn't moved even though there is a deli assistant ready for them but they're buried too deeply in a texting situation to notice? Well, on some days, obviously, the answer will be 'yes.' However, the answer isn't always yes. And some days, as I continue to meditate, the answer is more like amusement at the guy I once was who got so caught up in this sort of thing.
Today I will ask myself, 'if I am not these thoughts and feelings, what am I? If I didn't have to feel this pain/anger/fear or change this pain/anger/fear, what would this situation look like?'  Three Trees in Fryman Canyon, Studio City All material copyright Jeff Kober |
