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Saturday evening we went to a party to celebrate the culmination of a friend's quest for her Ph.D. She is now a doctor, and has the paper and the velvet tam to prove it.
As she thanked the people gathered in the backyard she shares with her partner, I found myself touched beyond what I would have expected. Weeping, actually. Now as a Vedic meditator, I was able to say that whatever this is that is moving through me must, by definition, be a release of stresses. And, thank God, better out than in. Always. But still, what was it that was happening?
Well, Deborah Hanan and I have known each other for about 30 years. We were both rock and rollers in L.A. in the early 80's (though truth be told, Deborah, with her band, Lost Pilots, was in a whole other league than I ever was as the bass player for Walking Wounded). When we met, there was something we recognized about each other right away. In retrospect, and with the benefit of her own work in her doctoral field, what we recognized was the self-identity we shared as "other." Not gay, not straight, not man, not woman, but other. Different than. Out of the mainstream.
I was talking to another friend about it last night, and as we discussed it, the question arose: "What is the opposite of 'other'?" I think, perhaps, 'chosen' would fit the bill. There are the chosen, and then there are the others. And who determines who is other, and who is not? Society and all its manifestations. All the places we look to for meaning when we haven't found meaning in ourselves. When we don't have the wherewithal to find the truth in our own heart.
Other. High school dropout. And here she is, a doctor. Even now, writing about it, I tear up.
From school, our parents, churches, TV, Time Magazine, Lady Gaga, TMZ, we learn about who is worthy and who is not, about what counts and what doesn't, about what is of value and what isn't. And we end up believing it because we have no tools to find an alternative.
And it's all a lie. None of it is true. It's true to the extent it can get you to pay for a new pair of shoes or watch Celebrity Apprentice or buy whatever it is that's being sold today, but no further. None of it is true. We don't even have to pick through it to find what is salvageable. None of it is. Enjoy it or don't, play in it or don't. But remember that it's simply not true.
And what is real and true? The desire in your heart to do something meaningful. And if it's meaningful for you, it's meaningful for the whole world. For the whole of consciousness. There was a feeling at this party Saturday night that was undeniable, that was so profoundly right. Because this beautiful soul had taken a look at her life and asked the question (with the help of the woman who loves her), "If I could have it any way I wanted it, what would it look like? What would my life be if it were an out-picturing of my deepest desires?" And now, a few years and many, many hours of work later, here it was. The life she wanted. With letters behind her name. A win for those others who are told they can't have, shouldn't have, don't deserve to have.
We meditate. We let go of these false ideas of life and the stresses we have gathered over a lifetime of believing them. We discover what dream lives in our hearts. We offer it the sunlight of our attention and the water and fertilizer of our loved ones' love. And we can have a pretty velvet hat of our very own.
Saddhus, Rishikesh, India
All material copyright Jeff Kober
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