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The question is asked: how do I choose happiness when I have none of the things I need?
A good question, yes?
The problem we have with happiness is that, as a culture, we have determined what it is made up of. We all have some version of the recipe for happiness: the right job + the right man/woman + the right amount of money + the right home + perfect health + whatever you individually have added to the list, i.e. world stardom, your pilot's license, a closet just for your shoes.
This idea of happiness is based in our history, in what we have learned from our life so far by direct experience, by observation or by indoctrination. But all of it is history. In the realm of the Self, history is a reality only to the ego. To the Self, history doesn't exist. History is not here and now, hence it is not real. If I am living my life in this reality of history, I am by definition identified with ego.
Ego operates by fear. Fear is its motivational tool. Fear of losing what it has, or of not getting what it wants.
Operating from and by fear, the best we can hope for are fleeting moments of contentment and happiness, or perhaps only a respite from fear. Never do we find the true fulfillment and happiness we seek.
In order to find happiness and fulfillment, we must find that part of ourself that is not identified with ego. This is what some call "the large S Self." This is the true search necessary: the seeking of that identity that is fulfillment, that is happiness.
In our least excited state, in the midst of our meditation, this is what we contact. This is what we discover we are. The Self. Fulfillment Itself.
Today I will take my 20 minutes, morning and evening, to de-excite and experience this thing I am that is other than my thoughts and feelings.
Barn and Clouds, Young's Point, Montana
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