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re·sent·ment
-noun
the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark,person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.
A feeling of displeasure or indignation... I don't know of many people who would choose to hold on to a feeling of displeasure, but it becomes worth it when you throw indignation in as a bonus. When you don't have the capacity to choose joy in your life, you will choose some form of power in its stead. Indignation gives a version of that. When one is convinced of the righteousness of one's position, it can make you feel invulnerable. If it's all his/her/its fault, there's nothing pointing back at me.
Origin: Old French resentir, equivalent to re- + sentir
sentir- to feel
re- a prefix, occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, used with the meaning "again" or "again and again" to indicate repetition, or with the meaning "back" or "backward" to indicate withdrawal or backward motion
Dictionary.com Unabridged
This is why I love to look up the origin of words. It's not the experience of "feeling" that is harmful to us, that we must avoid. Feeling is inevitable. And when someone steps on our toes, our feeling is going to be something less than joyous; but it's the "again and again" that can get us into trouble, that can lead us out of present moment awareness. That puts us into "withdrawal" and "backward motion." This is the killer. What saps our life force and sucks us dry. In a word, this is the quality of speculation. Stuck in our mind with the what-ifs and if-onlys and next-times. These thoughts and thought streams that build up around the resentment take us out of life and leave us miserable.
Speculation leads only to suffering. Ever.
The capacity for joy, the connection to an idea of God, can be found only in the present moment.
Feel the feeling. Let it go. Move on. Let nature punish the transgressor, restore the balance, if balance need be restored. Nothing is being balanced by my imbalanced thinking. No one is being punished by my punishing thoughts but me.
Today I will notice when I am in speculation and I will get busy with something real, something that actually exists in front of me, something other than a thought.
Rose Thorns, Studio City
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