Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, GOVERNMENTIUM (GV), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are HELD TOGETHER BY FORCES CALLED MORONS, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each REORGANIZATION WILL CAUSE MORE MORONS TO BECOME NEUTRONS, FORMING ISODOPES.  

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as CRITICAL MORASS.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes ADMINISTRATIUM, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.   

(Thanks to Charol Abrams of the AMWA Educators' ListServ for this good laugh, and my apologies to my good friends in government [I hope you are still laughing!])

I've attended many conferences in my career, but my first attendance at the AMWA (American Medical Writers Association) 69th annual conference in October convinced me not to miss this educational experience again. There were 38 open sessions and many longer workshops (with a credit option available). The conference had the most extensive and diverse offering of educational programs I've ever seen at a comparable conference. For anyone writing or editing in companies or for organizations who publish or submit documents in the medical field, this seems like a cost-effective way to educate employees.

Before leaving the conference, I mailed myself a huge box of books, handouts, and other resources from all the sessions I attended. I came home with about 30 business cards from networking, and I LinkedIn with about half of the people I met. I'm hooked! I'll be at the conference again next year.