Feature: Embedding information in your sentences
Last month, we considered right- and left-branching sentences. The right-branching sentence places the main topic (usually subject and verb) at the beginning of the sentence and then "branches" additional information to the right. Left-branching sentences provide initial information that does not make sense until the arrival of later information.
Although research strongly suggests that right-branching sentences are easier for readers to process than are left-branching, you'll probably use both to vary your sentence structure.
A third basic structure involves "embedding" information in a sentence. Consider these two sentences:
- Titanium dioxide is a semiconductor material.
- Titanium dioxide is one of the most basic materials in our daily life.
Clearly, these right-branching sentences are short and easy to understand. They are, however, a bit repetitive if left in their current state. Here are two ways to combine these sentences by embedding information from one sentence in the other:
- Titanium dioxide, one of the most basic materials in our daily life, is a semiconductor material.
- Titanium dioxide, a semiconductor material, is one of the most basic materials in our daily life.
As you can see in each sentence, I have used commas to set off the embedded material. These edited sentences communicate the same information as two separate sentences, but more smoothly and efficiently. The theory is that the material between the two commas could be removed and you could still understand the sentence. In that sense, you are focusing attention on the rest of the sentence, not on the embedded material.
Another way to punctuate embedded material is to use a pair of parentheses:
- Titanium dioxide (a semiconductor material) is one of the most basic materials in our daily life.
You could also use a pair of dashes to set off the embedded material, but BEWARE! Dashes may not be considered professional, especially if overused. (I find dashes and parentheses, like exclamation points, as addictive as potato chips!!!)
You now have three separate sentence structures to help provide variety and focus in your sentences. In future columns, we'll cover other issues such as joining sentences, avoiding fragments, using passive voice wisely, and avoiding run-together and negative constructions.
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Writing tip: Consider checklists
Last month, The New England Journal of Medicine published results of an international study that found that the use of checklists in surgeries could cut the death rate in operating rooms almost in half and complications by more than a third.
One item on the surgical checklist was, "Before the surgeons cut, make sure the part of the body to be operated on is marked." I'd vote for that if I were the patient on the table!
Where could you use a checklist to ensure that your readers complete every necessary step? Do your readers need to complete several complicated steps? A checklist would allow them to confront each step on a separate line, with the blank checkbox implying "don't check this off until you've done the step." Leave lots of white space between items to help readers see and process these complex steps.
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PowerPoint® Clinic: The highlighter
Last month we discussed using a marker to draw attention to text or graphics on a slide. This month, I'll show you how to highlight text or graphics on your slides and leave these annotations for future viewings (or remove them).
- In Slide Show view, right-click the mouse.
- Highlight "Pointer options."
- Select "Highlighter."
- Highlight text or graphic.
- Press "Esc" twice (the dialogue box will say, "Do you want to keep your ink annotations?").
- Click on "Keep" or "Discard."
If you keep annotations, the next time you show the slide, viewers will see the highlighter (or other annotation). Don't worry: You can easily delete annotations in Normal view by clicking on them and deleting them.
Find a list of similar tips by pressing "F1" while in Slide Show view.
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For fun: Brief AND romantic?
An entire memoir in six words? Has Twitter taken over the world?
Consider the new book, Six-Word Memoirs of Love and Heartbreak. The backstory to this series is that Ernest Hemingway bet that he could write a complete short story in just six words (he did). For this book, the editors of Smith Magazine solicited six-word distillations of people's love lives. Here are a few excerpts:
- My marital advice? Marry an orphan.
- Didn't realize I'd still be lonely.
- Red-eye. Him window. Me aisle. Love.
Don't give this article to your boss! You may have to start writing your reports in six words.
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